…Hello ironic mustache!

So many of you know that I am a obsessive fan of NFL Football, in specific the AFC East Champion Miami Dolphins… What you may not know (unless you follow my Twitter) is that I am a huge fan of playoff hockey.  The thing is the Hockey season is 84 games…. that means every game is pretty much completely meaningless.  I can’t watch something like that.  I hate baseball and basketball for the same reason, but I love going to hockey games and my home team, the Washington Capitols are actually pretty good… unlike the Wizards or Nationals…  The Caps have the added bonus of having Alex Ovechkin who in his third year is already one of the most amazing players to watch in hockey history.  He lead the league last year in goals AND hits.  That does not happen often.  Anyway, after 13 amazing games of Capitol playoff hockey the Caps completely shit the bed against the Penguins in game 7 of their series.  Fortunately I could not get anyone to go with me to game 7 so I didn’t spend $150 to see them get embarrassed.  I did get to see them lose in game 5, but at least it was a great game…

Anyway, I was growing a playoff beard, as per the standard hockey facial hair tradition.  They are out so I just shaved it.  I looked like and asshole with it, and I look like even more of an asshole now… I figured you would enjoy the photos.

Lastly, I just wanted to say I am back from DC and I have a ton of work this weekend so there will be a lot of cool photos going up soon, thanks for the patience.  Hope you have at least sort of enjoyed these last few dumb posts.

PS. Sometime I underestimate how bad I look.  Maybe everyone is right and I really only get girls because I have a camera.  Oh well, at least something is working…

I spent nearly a decade of my life as self described “punk”.  From the time I got a Black Flag album for my 14th birthday until pretty much I started managing a dance band in the mid 00’s I was DIY till I died… or something.  And one thing about being punk rock is constantly discussing what is and what is not punk rock.  This takes place in every realm of life from bands and fashion to colors (green is punk as fuck) and yard signs (Curb Your Dog is decidedly the most punk rock yard sign…).  So, as an expert punk rocker it is my job to help you guys decide what is and what is not punk rock.  If you have any questions, please leave them in the comments.  If you want to know what bathroom fixture is the most punk rock please let me know.  If you want to know what is the most punk rock thing to name your child (Vyvyn) I am here to help.  If you need to know which bubble bath to use, just ask.  I am here for you.  In the mean time let me show you some examples of what IS NOT punk.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnE9vjAvZJg[/youtube]
CM PUNK: CM Punk is a professional wrestler with a straight edge tattoo.  He then draws X’s on his gloves and seems to have a giant Pepsi tattoo on his arm.  In this video he talks about his love for tattoo art, which is ironic due to the fact that he has the worst tattoos I have ever seen.  Also, the CM in CM Punk stands for Cookie Monster… Seriously.  Brutus the Barber Beefcake was more punk rock than this guy ever was.  Go drink a beer you pussy.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EzI1PvKIfU[/youtube]
METALLICA:  If Metallica covered Last Caress on Masters Of Puppets or something I probably wouldn’t give them shit, but post their battle with Napster, two of the worst albums ever released, cutting off their hair and doing a documentary about their group therapy Metalica might be the lamest band on Earth.  And how is that for a run on sentence… pretty impressive.  More importantly, why the hell would they cover my favorite Misfits song?  It has led to a conversation online about how its a Metallica original.  Fuck you Lars, you couldn’t have picked Eagles Dare or something?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1j0nr1vdGI&feature=fvsr[/youtube]
WORLDS TALLEST DOUCHE: Here is a worlds record attempt for the worlds largest mohawk.  This attempt was to raise money for charity and the Legolas looking fuck who got the hawk gave all his hair to Locks Of Love… aww… Fuck you.  Nothing is less punk that caring about cancer kids.  So after getting two professional stylists to cut and comb his hair they put it up with HAIR SPRAY! That shit is going to fall in 10 min.  Use glue you bitch. I put mine up with glue and I did it myself, not with two stylists.  If he was really punk rock he would get a 14 year old girl with a chelsea to do it who is fucking everyone in his band.  Lastly, the comments in the video mention on three different occasions that he is doing this for the record not for the style… He has got to make sure everyone know that he would never really get a mohawk, because that would be silly, unlike his previous hair that went down his back and so gracefully covered his ass.  Eat a dick.

In continuing my lazy, being out of town ways… where I have done nothing but eat food and watch hockey… I present you a total bullshit update full of one of the most uniquely strange memes out there today. If you watch enough of these it’s strangely therapeutic. Meet the keyboard cat. Many, many more after the jump.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAepgZ5iM5k&feature=related[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ndx_IdlUQU&feature=related[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yp6U_5qEE0Y[/youtube]

(Read the article)

So the new party at Rebel is way up top hidden away from the rest of the bar. This lead to some people never finding us. This was quiet odd. I had two people text me that they couldn’t get in. But I guess that is the problem with a first night. Still, despite the smallish crowd everyone still had a lot of fun. Cassette, Count RockuLA and Electro Chris killed it all night and everyone got super drunk on free shots. I am not sure I saw anyone pay for a drink all night. Hopefully next week some of the legistics can be worked out and some more of you guys can come by.

Second thing on my agenda is that I am going to my parents house in DC because it is Mothers Day and my moms birthday. I will be there until probably Thursday, although I am making day trips to Richmond and Baltimore. Hopefully I can find something fun to shoot, but I wouldn’t hold your breath. Expect it to be a bit slow, but I have some things in mind for you that aren’t party photos…

But speaking of party photos… Check out the photos from last nights Masquerade party at Rebel NYC.

It has been a min since I gave you some celebrity n00dz, but I guess celebrities are doing a better job of keeping their clothes on… Except for super hot R&B singers that is…. First Cassie had some self shot topless pictures released and then today Rihanna nudes have been leaked.  She did a pretty good job of hiding her face, but they seem legit and she looks super hot naked.  Rihanna’s ass looks okay too…  Click the photo to see Rihanna nude.  Shots via Egotastic. NSFW.  She can stand under my umbrella any time.

One thing I pride my self on are my eclectic tastes. I have a very weird and wide taste in music and film, but while no one questions my mix CDs with Frank Sinatra and Three Six Mafia on them there are a few things that people tend to be surprised about. When anyone ever finds out about my fanatical obsession with the Miami Dolphins a they always say “I didn’t picture you as a football fan” or something to that extent. Also equally weirded out are the people who I force to listen to Jimmy Buffett records with me while I tell them how much he means to my life.

When I was still in the womb my dad would sing Jimmy Buffett lyrics to me. It was pretty much the only music he ever listened to. I grew up listening to the Beatles, the Monkees, Jimmy Buffett and pretty much nothing else. (Occasionally my mom would get a chance to play a Bonnie Raitt tape on car trips.) The first song I ever memorized was not Mary Had A Little Lamb or Twinkle Twinkle Little Star… It was a Jimmy Buffet song about playing music in dive bars.  I pretty much know every lyric to every Jimmy Buffett song written before 1980, which is the year I was born and the year my parents stopped listening to new music.

I listened to so much Jimmy Buffett when I was a kid that I think I actually thought I was from Florida.  Often people ask me why I am a Miami Dolphins fan and I usually tell them I don’t know… But I am pretty sure my life long love of the Miami Dolphins is directly related to listening to Jimmy Buffett songs about Florida.  I was a big Orlando Magic fan too…  To this day I have constant fantasies about quitting nightlife photography, buying a house boat and  moving to the Florida Keys to try my hand as a fisherman. When I was 10 years old I once cried because I realized that I would never get to meet Jimmy Buffett.  He was like a second father to me… or at least an extension of my actual father.

So this whole story has a point.  Today the Dolphins announced a partnership with Jimmy Buffett.  Buffett has a beer company called Land Shark Beer and Dolphin Stadium is now called Land Shark Stadium for the next year.  In trade Jimmy Buffett going to be making appearances at Dolphins games and events, doing special concerts and he changed the words to his song Fins so it relates to the Dolphins instead of a song about trying to fuck girls at bars.

Now originally I was super excited about this merging of two of my life long obsessions… but now I am not so sure. The local Miami papers interviewed Buffett fans who said they would be attending games just because of Buffett even though they don’t like football.  At the same time Dolphins fans are sort of upset about the whole thing.  Let’s face it, Jimmy Buffett is not exactly hip.  I am not sure how they plan on attracting younger fans with a musician who is nearly 70 years old.  Also, the new lyrics to Fins are super hokey and have nothing to do with the actual team.  They are just about going to Land Shark Stadium not about football.  I mean, the current Miami Dolphins theme song is horrible, but at least it has more to do with football than it does tailgating.  I think my man Jimmy phoned this one in.

All that being said, I have a good relationship with the Dolphins organization so now there is actually a much better chance that I might meet Bufett one day which if nothing else would really please my 10 year old self…

Let’s Go Dolphins!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwqzES_sHIA[/youtube]

My friends at the Music Slut are slowly releasing a Morrissey tribute album for his 50th birthday, Every day until his birthday they are releasing a MP3 of one their favorite bands covering a Moz or Smiths’ song. My friend Teddy decided to cover the Smiths song called Girlfriend In A Coma. Personally I sort of hate Morrissey, but I love Teddy Blanks and I love the Music Slut kids so check out the track below. It is pretty fun. And check out the Sluts write up here.

Oh yeah, FYI, Teddy also designed the album cover.

Teddy Blanks – Girlfriend In A Coma
Teddy_Blanks_-_Girlfriend_In_A_Coma.mp3

Since Playhouse at Cain has ended I needed some new work.  Fortunately my friend Andie Cassette is throwing a new party upstairs at Rebel with her partner Count RockuLA on Fridays.  Electro Chris will be there too. The party is called Masquerade and its free if you wear a costume.  It’s free if you RSVP too, and its 18+ so you young kids can get in too!   Come hang out and get you photo taken.

It was Swine Flu night meets Drinko De Mayo at Happy Endings.  Disco Down upstairs was giving out masks and they had Swine Flu fighting bubble guns.  Down stairs at Six Six Sick people were doing their best to get wasted and celebrate Mexican Independence until someone (who will remain nameless) puked all over the DJ booth.  There were some fights, some interesting appearances, and Sophia Lamarr told me I was very heterosexual.  It was a fun night, but I didn’t shoot much because I was hanging out with my friend Teddy and kept my camera up till he left, but I have to tell you, I never thought bubbles would be so much fun to photograph….

Check out all the photos here.