This Is Not Punk Rock
I spent nearly a decade of my life as self described “punk”. From the time I got a Black Flag album for my 14th birthday until pretty much I started managing a dance band in the mid 00’s I was DIY till I died… or something. And one thing about being punk rock is constantly discussing what is and what is not punk rock. This takes place in every realm of life from bands and fashion to colors (green is punk as fuck) and yard signs (Curb Your Dog is decidedly the most punk rock yard sign…). So, as an expert punk rocker it is my job to help you guys decide what is and what is not punk rock. If you have any questions, please leave them in the comments. If you want to know what bathroom fixture is the most punk rock please let me know. If you want to know what is the most punk rock thing to name your child (Vyvyn) I am here to help. If you need to know which bubble bath to use, just ask. I am here for you. In the mean time let me show you some examples of what IS NOT punk.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnE9vjAvZJg[/youtube]
CM PUNK: CM Punk is a professional wrestler with a straight edge tattoo. He then draws X’s on his gloves and seems to have a giant Pepsi tattoo on his arm. In this video he talks about his love for tattoo art, which is ironic due to the fact that he has the worst tattoos I have ever seen. Also, the CM in CM Punk stands for Cookie Monster… Seriously. Brutus the Barber Beefcake was more punk rock than this guy ever was. Go drink a beer you pussy.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EzI1PvKIfU[/youtube]
METALLICA: If Metallica covered Last Caress on Masters Of Puppets or something I probably wouldn’t give them shit, but post their battle with Napster, two of the worst albums ever released, cutting off their hair and doing a documentary about their group therapy Metalica might be the lamest band on Earth. And how is that for a run on sentence… pretty impressive. More importantly, why the hell would they cover my favorite Misfits song? It has led to a conversation online about how its a Metallica original. Fuck you Lars, you couldn’t have picked Eagles Dare or something?
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1j0nr1vdGI&feature=fvsr[/youtube]
WORLDS TALLEST DOUCHE: Here is a worlds record attempt for the worlds largest mohawk. This attempt was to raise money for charity and the Legolas looking fuck who got the hawk gave all his hair to Locks Of Love… aww… Fuck you. Nothing is less punk that caring about cancer kids. So after getting two professional stylists to cut and comb his hair they put it up with HAIR SPRAY! That shit is going to fall in 10 min. Use glue you bitch. I put mine up with glue and I did it myself, not with two stylists. If he was really punk rock he would get a 14 year old girl with a chelsea to do it who is fucking everyone in his band. Lastly, the comments in the video mention on three different occasions that he is doing this for the record not for the style… He has got to make sure everyone know that he would never really get a mohawk, because that would be silly, unlike his previous hair that went down his back and so gracefully covered his ass. Eat a dick.
i once called Nofx a sell out because he now admits to making millions of dollars…i say that’s not punk.
But I got a tongue lashing of a lifetime.
I agree that Metallica is pretty depressing these days. But in their defense, they first covered Last Caress on the Garage Days Re-Revisited E.P. in 1987 (in between the release of Master of Puppets and …And Justice For All). The confusion may come from its re-release on the mish mash Garage Days Inc. compilation in 1998.
Well, Johanna, I have been served. I guess I have to give the cover slightly more respect. Still… Seeing these douche bags cover it in the 2000s makes me feel sick.
I’m no less of a loser than CM Punk (see my disturbing wealth of Metallica knowledge below…but dude, my Cobra tattoo is waaaay better than this tapeworm. You sure seem to know alot about professional wrestling.
They covered that Misfits song (not on MOP as Johanna pointed out) on the EP following the death of their bass player Cliff Burton. The Misfits were his favorite band (he has the Misfits skull tattooed on his arm) and this was their tribute to him. Their fans know this so when they play it live (even in the 2000’s) it’s a celebration of this, and their willingness to acknowlege that after all these years is most certainly appreciated.
Roy in no way does that change the fact that Metallica are douchebags. But my apologies for poor reporting.
And if you check their fans on the you tube comments they are arguing about if the Misfits or Metalica played it first so… yeah.
I would never try to dispute the douchebaggery of the members of Metallica-that is undisputed, and clearly so are (most) of their fans if they would try to make that kind of argument. I also don’t take exception to any “poor reporting” on something so insignificant, you saw something that you thought sucked and said so. I was just pointing out something I thought you would find interesting.