January Seraph

My friend January Seraph died a few days ago. I am not sure that there has been an official cause of death announced but based on what I have heard and what I know about January it sounds like it was suicide. January was a wonderful fucking human who dealt with severe depression and other mental problems. It’s something we have in common and is really how we first formed a bond.

January and I had been friends online for a long time but in 2014 I had Tweeted about depression and out of nowhere I got an email from her reaching out to tell me she was there for me. She told me about her depression and that I was too talented to be sad for too long. It was the sweetest email from someone who was nearly a stranger. It meant a lot to me.

A few months later I was in LA and was having a particularly bad day. I had some shoots canceled and I was in a terrible mood and once again I sent out a Tweet. This time it was about needing a model since people had flaked. January reached out. She lived in San Francisco but she was in LA. Less than an hour later she was in my hotel room and we were shooting.

January and I became instant friends after that. It seems crazy to me that I only knew her in real life for a few years. We bonded over depression, mutual friends and crazy stories of lives well lived. January was an internationally renowned dominatrix and when she would be in NYC working I would always hang out with her after she got off work and last summer when I did a west coast road trip I stayed with her in San Francisco twice once on the way up and once on the way down.

January was so generous and amazing. She offered to fly me to San Francisco once to visit because she was about to try some new experimental treatment for her depression and she wanted to hang out with me before it started. She told me that she had no problem spending money on her friends because she made enough money when she was working and wanted to spend it because she never knew how much time she would have left.

And that’s just the thing. Severe depression is like any other illness. If you can’t treat it, it’s terminal. It’s not a matter of if it’s going to kill you, it’s a matter of when. I have had so many friends take their own life and I have learned that there’s not much you can do. You can postpone it and try and get them help, but sometimes it’s just inevitable and that’s the saddest fucking thing. January tried every possible treatment she could find including some pretty extreme stuff, but it was just never enough and I don’t think there’s anything anyone could have done.

I think the main thing we can all do is talk about mental illness more. We need to treat it like any other illness or disability. If we can remove the shame from it maybe then people will feel more comfortable reaching out and asking for help.

So let me share a little bit of my story and maybe start a conversation that you guys can continue. I have had terrible depression my entire life. I have never been suicidal but I have never been happy for more than brief moments. It’s just this constant weight on me and when it gets bad I don’t get out of bed or leave the house. I can’t be productive, I gain weight and I piss off my friends. On top of that I grew up with dysgraphia, ADHD and a severe form of obsessive compulsive disorder now known as Tourettic COD.  Because of this I was a weird fucking kid who struggled in school and got picked on constantly until I was 16 or 17. That shit does not help with depression I promise.

As an adult I still have issues with depression and ADD but computers help a lot with the dysgraphia and with a lot of behavioral therapy I am very incontrol of my OCD. I still feel it every day, especially right now as I think about it but it’s very manageable. I feel very lucky not to have suicidal thoughts or many of the personality disorders, anxiety or mania that a lot of my friends have but it’s not been an easy life despite the massive amount of privilege I’ve had as an upper middle class straight white male.

So there you go, now you know a little bit about my mental illness and now maybe you can relate and maybe you can tell someone else about your problems. Bring this shit out of the closet and if you are feeling bad tell someone. There’s always someone who will be there for you even if you don’t think there is.

I don’t even know what else to say but I fucking miss you January and I don’t wanna see any more of my friends take their own life. I can’t fucking deal with it anymore.

Anyway, I wanna share with you the first and only photo shoot January and I ever did. When she died I was looking for a photo to post and I realized I had never put these photos up. I felt like I had to get them up right away in her honor. I know she really liked the photos she saw.

Now here’s the point where I would normally tell you that are some extra photos on my app but I obviously am not going to plug my bullshit in a post like this so instead of signing up for my app, take a moment to donate some money to American Foundation For Suicide Prevention or another mental health charity. Or if nothing else, just hug someone you care about. You never know when it’s gonna be the last time.

Click here to see the first and last photo shoot I ever did with my amazing friend January Seraph. Rest in peace. 

January Seraph

January Seraph

January Seraph

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AVN House Party – 7.13.17

I have made it back to NYC and I have just a few days before I leave again for the god damn Gathering of the Juggalos. I got a ton of books to ship (buy my book!) and a lot to do in the next 5 days so I am gonna try to make this quick.

One week ago today I was in LA I hit the AVN House Party deep in the valley. AVN if you aren’t aware is the number one magazine covering the adult industry but they also do a ton of shit including throwing the AVN Awards that I have been covering for a decade. They also wrote a great review of my book!

My LA book release party was the next day and a room full of porn stars seemed like the perfect excuse to promote the book party so I hit up my friends at LA Weekly so I could make a little money while also trying to convince cute girls to come to my party. It worked out pretty well because I met Gia Paige who came to the party and hit on me and we took photos and hung out and I think now she might be coming to the Gathering of the Juggalos with me which is probably a terrible mistake but don’t tell her that because I am real psyched about it.

Anyway, there are a lot of pretty photos of pretty people in here and there is a bunch of nudity because porn stars like being naked. Oh, I should also mention that they announced Angela White and Harli Lotts are going to be the next hosts of the AVN Awards which was sort of the point of the party.

Click here to see all my NSFW photos from the 2017 AVN House Party.

AVN House Party

AVN House Party

AVN House Party

AVN House Party

AVN House Party

AVN House Party

AVN House Party

AVN House Party

 

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Instaxxx LA Release Party – 7.14.17

Last night I threw the second and last Instaxxx release party. The NYC one was fun, the LA version was fucking insane. I am always stressed out when I throw parties and there was plenty of shit to get stressed out over but the party was actually really good and I would have had a ton of fun if I wasn’t the one throwing it.

Superchief Gallery LA is such a great space in DTLA and I am really glad I threw the party there. That being said they don’t really have a DJ set up and apparently I either borrowed the wrong stuff or not enough stuff so Carter Cruise had to DJ off iTunes. It was pretty hilarious but she kinda killed it anyway. When her set was over she was laughing about how she only had the music on her Itunes cloud and so she ran out of music “at some point I just played an A-Trak mix for 2o minutes.”  Sorry Carter!

By the time Kate Mo$$ played it was already after 10 and the party was supposed to end at 10. It did not. Kate Mo$$ played a short insane set that was pretty perfect for the party. I unfortunately missed half of it cause I was doing shit but I am really glad they came out. It was total madness.

Joseline Kelly played after that and then I took photo of her in a bathroom cause the bathrooms at Superchief are grimy and cool looking so clearly I had to shoot some photos in there.

Speaking of girls in bathrooms, huge thanks to Charlotte Sartre and Riley Nixon for hanging out topless on a couch all night. Not sure the photo booth worked exactly how we planned it but it made the party a lot more fun.

I think that’s it. Thanks to everyone who came out and partied with me and thanks to everyone who bought a book. If you are in LA and still want one get at me quick cause I have about 10 more books than I want to take home with me.

Buy a book here.

Oh, and also I should mention that these photos have an unreasonable amount of nudity in them. Enjoy.

Click here to see the NSFW photos from the Instaxxx LA release party at Superchief Gallery LA.

Instaxxx LA Release PartyInstaxxx LA Release PartyInstaxxx LA Release PartyInstaxxx LA Release PartyInstaxxx LA Release PartyInstaxxx LA Release PartyInstaxxx LA Release Party

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Instaxxx LA Release Party

Just figured I would do a post about the LA book release party. It’s essentially just the email I sent to my book’s Kickstarter backers but I got shit to do so sorry for being repetitive…

The party is on Friday at Superchief LA. 7-10pm although we will probably go a bit late. Should be a hell of a party.

Once again all three DJs are in the book. Porn babes Carter Cruise and Joseline Kelly probably make more music than they do porn and my friend Ivy Diamond is gonna be opening the night. I actually once shot her at the very location we’re having the party.

We also have a special set from Kate Mo$$ which should probably be insane. Just google them and look at the pictures and be prepared from some wild shit.

We are once again doing an Instax photo booth and I got Charlotte Sartre and Riley Nixon there to take naked photos with. Oddly I haven’t figured out a photographer yet but that should be pretty easy.

The party is free and there is free beer and it should be a lot of fun. Hope to see some of you soon! Here’s the flyer. The end.

Instaxxx LA Flyer

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2017 Brooklyn Zombie Crawl – 7.2.17

Meant to get these Brooklyn Zombie Crawl pics up a few days ago but let’s just say I was a little bit preoccupied shipping out hundreds of books this week before I head to LA tomorrow for the LA Instaxxx book release. Let’s just say it’s been a crazy fucking few weeks. I have been working non-stop on Instaxxx so the zombie crawl was a nice break on Sunday.

The crawl started at the Charleston in Williamsburg where we were greeted by zombie Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD and Ben Kissel from the horror podcast Last Podcast On The Left. Kissel is running for Brooklyn Borough President was the “grand marshall” of the zombie crawl. I don’t know enough about him to endorse him but he’s for criminal justice reform and a quick look at his Twitter has progressive Tweets about immigration and LGBQT issues so I am on board with all that. Plus Borough Presidents don’t really have a lot of power so voting for him probably couldn’t hurt… although anyone who has been endorsed by Gary Johnson worries me a little bit.

We left the Charleston around 6:30 and walked to McCarren Park. For some reason there were a bunch of Guardian Angels with us which was kinda cool given that I don’t think I have seen one in the entire time I have lived in NYC. Glad they are still around. We stopped at the park quickly for a group photo and then headed to Greenpoint to stop for drinks at A-Bar. I haven’t been there since the opening, but I ran into a few friends there who had no idea the undead were coming.

From A-Bar we hit Brooklyn Bazaar for the after party where we were met by come competitive eaters in town for the 4th of July including my friend Tim “Gravy” Brown and Michelle Lesco who came in second in the women’s Coney Island Hot Dog Eating contest. Competitive eating legend Badlands Booker was there too but he was there for the entire zombie crawl.

I didn’t take a ton of photos at the after party because my band actually played it but I got some shots of the other bands including Jess O’Lantern, J and The 9’s, and Uncle Jake and the 18 Wheel Gang. Plus my friend Lunchbox did some horrifying sideshow shit and “Everything is Terrible!” headlined with their insane video projections and super weird performance. I wish I could explain the whole thing but I was back stage getting ready for our show. All I know is that they are building a pyramid of Jerry Maguire VHS tapes and I wanna fucking see that shit.

Anyway, my band closed out the night and I ate a raw potato on stage for the two dozen people who suck around after Everything Is Terrible. I have no idea how the potato got on stage but let me tell you, don’t eat a raw potato like an apple because it tastes terrible and it makes it quite difficult to sing.

I gotta pack for LA now. I will post again when I have all the details of the LA Instaxxx book release party worked out but it’s July 14th if you happen to be around. Go look at zombie photos now.

Click here for photos from the 2017 Brooklyn Zombie Crawl!

Brooklyn Zombie Crawl

Brooklyn Zombie Crawl

Brooklyn Zombie Crawl

Brooklyn Zombie Crawl

Brooklyn Zombie Crawl

Brooklyn Zombie Crawl

Brooklyn Zombie Crawl

Brooklyn Zombie Crawl

Brooklyn Zombie Crawl

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Instaxxx Release Party – 6.29.17

Last night my book Instaxxx finally was born into the world. It was pretty exciting because this is by far the biggest project I have done. My last two books were about a third of the size of Instaxxx and every part of this required way more time, money and effort than all of my other books or art shows and I still have a lot to do. I am starting to ship books out today but I have nearly 500 packages to send out. Plus there’s the release party in LA on July 14th. Should be an interesting couple of weeks…

Anyway, last night was a blast. The night started off slow but by 9pm Superchief NY was popping. It’s a massive space in Ridgewood, Queens but it actually filled up pretty nicely. I sold some books, took some photos and we ran out of beer 30 minutes before the party ended which is honestly pretty well timed. Huge thanks to Pabst Blue Ribbon for all the cases!

I of course have to thank the DJs OHAILEIGH, Cat Lady and Francesca Darling for not only DJing the party but for posing for the book. I assume it’s gotta have been the first time any of you guys DJed with naked photos of yourselves projected on the wall in front of you right? Thanks a ton!

Also thanks a bunch to Mel and her friend (and my buddy Sucklord’s girlfriend) Meg for running an insane photobooth. The idea was for Mel to take photos of people topless with Meg but they both ended up topless all night and no one seemed to mind. I feel like it was a solid idea and hopefully the LA version will work out even better. Naked friends in LA let me know if anyone wants to volunteer…

It’s at this point I should mention that I get so fucking stressed out at events like this that I do a completely terrible job of taking photos. I meant to like Instagram live and like Tweet out photos and things and I did none of that. I also took some of the worst party photos I have ever taken. If I had hired someone to shoot a party for me and they came back with these I would fire myself. Still, at least you get some sort of idea of what the party was like and you can see people drinking that cold refreshing PBR…. Gotta get those sponsor shots!

Lastly, thanks to everyone who came out and helped out with this book and this party especially everyone at Superchief. I just hope that the party at Superchief LA goes as well as last night!

Now go check out these photos and given that more than a dozen people who were in the book showed up this gallery is fairly NSFW even if the photos are not very good.

Click here to see all the photos from the NYC Instaxxx book release party at Superchief NY!

Ps. Get your copy of Instaxxx here! Oh and you can get my new zine NOT SAFE here.

Instaxxx Release Party

Instaxxx Release Party

Instaxxx Release Party

Instaxxx Release Party

Instaxxx Release Party

Instaxxx Release Party

Instaxxx Release Party

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Instaxxx Release Party!

My book Instaxxx is finally here! I start shipping it on Friday which is going to be a fucking insane undertaking given that I have 450 packages to send out but before I even get there I have to throw a big party.

If you live in NYC come out! We are going to be at the new Superchief spot in Ridgewood. It’s 1628 Jefferson Ave – right by the Myrtle-Wyckoff L and M trains. The party is from 8-11 and it’s gonna be a good time.

All three DJs spinning modeled in the book and my friend Mel is doing an Instax photo booth which should be interesting even though I am not 100% sure I have models locked down for it. But fuck it. Let’s party.

The event is free and the book will be on sale for the $30 pre-order price. We will have my new zine Not Safe on sell as well. Speaking of pre-orders, you have until the time I wake up tomorrow to get Instaxxx for the pre-order price before it goes up to $40.

Lastly I should mention that I am doing an LA release party as well. That will be July 14th at the Superchief LA space. Details to come soon!

Instaxxx Release Party

 

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Meet Mel

I met Mel around 5am one New Years in a bar that no longer exists. She gave me her number but I think when I texted her a few days later I don’t think she had any idea who I was. We became friends anyway and I found out she was a photographer too. This would come in handy later…

When I started working on my Instaxxx book she seemed like she was interested in being in it but we didn’t really make an effort to shoot anything. On Halloween we ended up going out together and I took a topless photo of her on my couch before we went out but she was covered in fake blood and it wasn’t exactly an image I wanted in my book. Fortunately a few months later she would come up with something.

Mel had been scouting locations for a shoot of her own and she found this Motor Lodge in Queens we wanted to shoot at. Unfortunately the day we had to shoot I got hired for an event that night so we didn’t have a lot of time. We ended up renting a room at another location she had scouted, the Liberty Inn, one of the last hourly rate hotels in Manhattan. Of course an hour in a Chelsea hotel costs as much as all night in most places but we still ended up with a pretty great location for under $100.

I took a great instax of Mel that ended in my new book and she let me shoot a whole digital set with her which was awesome. Mel had never done a real nude photo shoot before so it was awesome that she trusted me enough to let me shoot her and publish the photos.

Mel is also going to be doing an Instax photo booth at the Intaxxx release party at the Superchief NY space on the 29th of June! Come get your photo taken by a babe with a babe and buy my damn book!

Now click here to see all the NSFW photos of Mel at a creepy hourly rate motel!

Ps. These pics are in high resolution at Girls of DBB!

Mel

Mel

Mel

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NOT SAFE Zine

I have talked a ton about my new book Instaxxx that will be out at the end of the month, but what I haven’t really talked about is the companion zine “NOT SAFE“. When I raised over $20,000 on Kickstarter I wanted to do something to give back to the people who backed by book and also to the women who have shot with me over the years.

I decided to do a zine that served several purposes. The first goal was to create a bonus for my Kickstarter backers. Everyone who bought Instaxxx via Kickstarter had the ability to buy NOT SAFE for $5 including US shipping. The second goal was just to create a zine with some of my favorite photos from some of my favorite models. I wasn’t trying to create a portfolio or anything but I thought it would be good to have something I could hand to a model or a client and say “hey this is what I like to do”.

But this zine had a greater purpose and that was to thank the women who have shot with me over the years and give a message to my fans who enjoy looking at my work but don’t really have any respect for the women who I photograph.

The title NOT SAFE refers to both the puritanical idea that nudity is somehow offensive and is “Not Safe For Work” and the sexist culture that has created a world where women can’t go online or walk down the street without being harassed. The cover features my friend Kate wearing some adorable double entendre kitty underwear that in this case is meant to invoke Trump’s horrifying “Grab her by the Pussy” line.

I see my “fans” posting awful comments on the blog and on my Instagrams and via Twitter. You can say any negative comment about me and I will leave it up but I delete and/or defend every negative comment about the model. They are putting themselves out there, often just because they want to work with me and it drives me crazy to see people attack them.

Women get harassed just for existing and when a woman puts herself out there and poses nude that stuff is taken to another level. I started out taking naked photos just because I liked looking at naked women. I didn’t even consider what the women would go through. The last decade of doing it professionally has made me think about that shit constantly. Seeing what women have to deal with just for taking a sexy photo is so fucking upsetting.

So this zine is a thank you to those women who put up with that shit every day, it’s about how nudity shouldn’t be considered offensive and it is a message to you guys to think about how you treat women both online and in real life. Plus it has a bunch of pretty photos of pretty women in it.

You can pre-order NOT SAFE as part of the Instaxxx pre-order here.

One dollar from every zine sold will be donated to Safe Horizon a charity that helps victims of violence including rape, sexual assault and domestic abuse.

Both Instaxxx and NOT SAFE start shipping June 30th.

NOT SAFE

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