San Francisco Vs Driven By Boredom

I spent another day in LA and I ended up shooting Arabelle Raphael in her new messy apartment, meeting up with Ash Hollywood and Charlotte Stokely to do post road trip interviews for the web series I am working on, and then I ran over to Donald Glover’s place where he was working on the new Childish Gambino album. I love all four of those people so it was awesome to see all of them again, especially Arabelle’s boobs. They are awesome.

The next day I headed off to San Francisco. I had never been there before and I was pretty excited about it but I was quickly turned against the city. My first night there I had plans to meet up with two people who both blew me off. I ended up in the Castro at three in the morning eating pancakes across from some friendly gay dudes, but it was not exactly how I wanted to spend my first night in SF.

The next day I had four shoots booked including a 10:30am shoot with Dylan Ryan. I wasn’t super happy about the timing and Dylan’s schedule opened up so we moved it to later in the day. Perfect, I could sleep in. Unfortunately I hadn’t heard from my noon shoot so I woke up early anyway to text her. Evidently she got in a fight the night before and might have to go to the hospital. She said she could probably shoot anyway but then I never heard from her again. I was supposed to shoot with Krysta Kaos at six but she texted me saying she was sick. Two shoots down already. My Bay Area anger was rising.

My next shoot was with Finch Linden but it turns out it takes a fucking hour to get from where I was staying in Berkley to San Francisco because everyone in the Bay Area drives well below the speed limit because they are fucking slow moving hippie assholes. I ended up being super late for the shoot and ready to poison all the US granola reserves. Fortunately Finch Linden was all ready for me and had a well lit apartment to shoot in. I shot Finch naked in public in Brooklyn and I was psyched to get to shoot her again but I had to do the whole shoot in 15 minutes before a bunch of her friends came over for a game of Dungeons and Dragons. Party forever.

After my shoot with Finch I texted Dylan and she was only a few blocks a way and on her way to shoot with me. I loved shooting Dylan the first time we shot and I was really excited to see her again. We bonded in a tattoo shop in Austin a couple years ago but I hadn’t seen her since. As I was waiting, I suddenly got a text from Dylan. She had been in a car accident. She was thankfully fine  and it was the other drivers fault, but she had to deal with the police and get her car towed and suddenly three of my four shoots had been canceled and one was tragically cut short by slow drivers and dungeon masters. I had lost my mind.

I just sat in my car with no idea what to do and was sort of just seething, ready to kill the next person I saw wearing sandals or a tie dyed t-shirt. I drove around Mission Hill to check out the view and kill time until I figured out what the fuck I was supposed to do. Suddenly I got a call from Krysta Kaos. She was off work and Theresa Manchester had randomly shown up at her work. What were the chances? I guilt tripped her about flaking on me (We had previously tried to shoot in Vegas, LA and NYC and every time something came up) and she told me to just come out and we would see what happened. I drove out to Oakland and suddenly as I drove over the bridge my luck started to change.

When I got to Krysta’s work she was missing and didn’t pick up when I called her. I was about to lose my mind when I got a hold of Theresa. Evidently they had all gone to let out Krysta’s dog and she grabbed a change of clothes and was down to shoot with me. I interviewed Theresa about my day in St. Louis with her for my web series while Krysta changed and then we went back to her place for a shoot. Krysta fucking killed it and we shot pretty much inside a billboard on her roof. The photos turned out pretty fucking amazing and the whole thing only took 20 minutes. I was so pumped to get to shoot with her after all this time and to have the shots come out so well.

At this point Tori Lux showed up. I had talked to her earlier and she was going to meet and try to shoot with Krysta but she didn’t make it in time. Krysta had to bounce so Tori and I went to her place, shot in her back yard and then ate some delicious foods at some random diner in Oakland. So suddenly I had photographed three girls in one day and was feeling pretty good about things. I also ran into Roxy Rage at Krysta’s work. I had met Roxy with the Bombshell Brats at a Philly tattoo convention and a photo of her Slayer butt tattoo became one of my most popular Tumblr posts of all time. She had moved to Oakland and was down to shoot when she got off work.

I killed time with Tori until Roxy got off work and we ended up at some super weird Oakland bars and I decided that while I might hate Berkley and San Francisco, Oakland seems like my kinda town. I met up with Roxy and I shot a bunch of 35mm photos of her. I didn’t shoot any digital shots and I am not even sure why at this point, but whatever the case they will be developed at some point and that will be exciting or something. Sorry this is getting so long.

After the shoot Tori and I went to San Francisco to meet up with my old pal the infamous Hunter Moore. If you somehow don’t know who he is, Google him. Tori wasn’t psyched to meet him because she thought he was a sexist prick but I assured her, he is much less shitty in person. After he bought her four Red Bull Vodka’s Tori had pulled out her taser, got naked in the bar and had decided she would probably fuck him one day. It was a pretty amazing turn around.

The next morning I decided that instead of going 9 hours north to Portland I would just start moving towards Chicago. I need to be there on Friday so I decided to get a head start. I drove 12 hours to Salt Lake City where I am now. I have no plans on doing anything but sleeping in this town and then getting the fuck on. Gonna try to hit Denver tomorrow and see an old friend or two and then keep it moving. I probably won’t have anything exciting for you guys until I get back to Chicago. Until then, here are some NSFW photos. Enjoy.

Ps. Don’t forget about my sexy mobile app!

Krysta Kaos

Finch Linden

Tori Lux

Arabelle Raphael

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