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So I get back from tour, which was great thanks to some really rad people at Boston College and suddenly my internet is broken.  I checked everything and it seemed to be working fine, but I couldn't get online.  So first thing I did was to call the number ATT gave me when I signed up.  That number didn't work because I had been switched to Comcast.  So I called Comcast, but they couldn't help me because my service was run by ATT.  So after calling about 10 different numbers and talking to all manner of machines I finally reached a human who could help.  He told me to do everything I had already done and then when it still wouldn't work he put me on hold, then after about 15 min of being on hold, I was hung up on.  This whole experience took about 2  hours of being on the phone, and since my cell phone minutes were up for the month, it amounted to about 120 minutes  times 25 cents a min, equaling 30 dollars that goes directly to ATT. The bastards.  Then the next day I tried again... this time I tried to by pass all the bullshit operators and get to someone real by tricking them.  I told them I wanted to by internet service and when they asked what I wanted I made them connect me with tech support.  I figured I was set, but before getting to someone I had to type in about 100 numbers describing exactly what was wrong with my service, then after that they asked for my phone number.  I had to listen to two different messages about web sites and how I could fix my internet access by going online.  DOES THIS MAKE ANY SENSE?  IF I DON'T HAVE FUCKING INTERNET HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO GO TO THEIR SHITTY WEB SITE!?!  So finally a guy picks up and tells me the same thing the other guy said and when he couldn't fix it, he put me on hold for 10 min and talked to his supervisor.  Then he comes back and tells me that  "something is wrong with your windows system, you will have to contact Microsoft."  So I called up my  good pall Bill Gates, and he came over and fixed it right up... Oh wait, no.  Instead I took my computer to a computer shop who told me "Your computer works fine, we hooked it up to our net work and it worked great.  Something is wrong with your service.  Contact Comcast.  Oh by the way, that will be 35 dollars.  So now I am down 65 dollars, plus another 15 for the second phone bill and supposedly nothing is wrong.  So I call Comcast again, and after 20 min of trying to reach a human, some guy who sounds like Droopy Dog tells me he will send out a repair man some time on Monday between 8AM and 4PM.  Fucking wonderful.  I am at my parents house in the mean time, so I can't do a real update until I'm up and running.  But enjoy this picture of Jamie.  Thanks to Dan for the work. 

PS. ECBSP Represent!

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Another pointless month goes by, another update closer to my court date.  School is over by Monday.  I have one exam left that day plus a final project, but I've never been the type to prepare for anything so I am going on tour with as I've mentioned 50 times, The Gaskets.  This could possibly be the worst tour ever.  A week ago we only had one show out of three days, and it was 10 hours away in Boston.  Then we got a show in DC, but no PA or speakers so we were back down to 1.  Then last night we got a show in Amherst, MA, at Hampshire College.  We were all excited, because last time I went to Hampshire it was a lot of fun.  However, that same night, they canceled on us.  So now the tour is like this.  Play MIT on Friday, party in Amherst on Saturday, then drive 10 hours back to DC to play a shitty open mic night that the band might not even be able to get into cause they are under 21.  Then we have to drive back to Richmond and I have to study for an exam and finish my project before noon the next morning.  On top of this, I have so much shit to do to get ready for this tour that I want to die.  Buttons to be made, car to be serviced, school work to be done, blah blah blah.  And on top of that I found out I have to take a summer class because they canceled the class I needed next semester.  Fuck.

Oh yeah, here's your stinkin' archive.

PS. Teddy says this will be the best tour ever. EVER.  

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It is unbelievable how many people emailed me expressing concern for the A/S/L post.  I thought it was quite clear that it was a joke, but I guess no one got it.  The people who did get it didn't think it was funny and sent me hate mail.  This makes me want to do more stuff like that.  It is also unbelievable how much photography I have that's not on this site.  I just want to get all this shit up, but I just don't have time.  I have done this site almost exclusively alone, but I think I need some help to catch up.  If there is anyone who wants to undertake the mindless task of organizing and fixing my images, let me know.  I have been offered help a million times, I am finally accepting it if anyone wants to work for linkage or something.  It is also unbelievable how funny it is when you mix unconscious people and tits.  

Okay, so basically this is the last week of classes and I have so much fucking work to do.  That is why this update sucks.  I have 3 final projects, an exam, 100 buttons to make, and a 3 day tour with The Gaskets.  I haven't slept in two days because of the CBR4 thing.  I also got to make out with two girls at the same last night after the CBR4 after party and that kept me up for quite some time.  I had class all day and now I just want to fucking die.  I have so much shit to do to prepare for my court case so I don't go to jail and I have to deal with all sorts of drama and madness that is my daily life.  I can not wait until this week is over, although the tour should be fun.  But then its over and I have to get a real job for the rest of the summer, not just making buttons for pennies.  God damnit, I have a paper to write first thing tomorrow am.  I am going to sleep.  Fuck you all.  Ill try to update before the fucking tour.  If you happen to live in Boston or DC you should come to one of the shows.  I'll sign your tits.  Heh.  This shit is nuts.  Yeah, stuff... 

By the way... The Gaskets new album is out.  You should order it, its fucking good.   Tell 'em I sent ya.

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If you know anything about AOL Chat rooms, then you know A/S/L means Age/Sex/Location right?  Wrong.  The times are changing.  A/S/L has become a secret code word for Snuff film fans.  Snuff fans gather in secret chat rooms around the Internet trading their films of people being fucked and killed, usually in that order.  Since these videos are extremely illegal they have developed certain Internet slang to get around the FBI.  For example:  A/S/L actually stands for Age of the Girl In the film/ Sex (ie, Is their sex, or Is It just death) / L stands for the URL of the film.  These sexual deviants also use other similarly harmless looking slang, such as LOL stands for Love Of Lesbians and L33T means that they are elite In the porn/ snuff underworld, trading hundreds of movies daily.  If you see anyone using any of these code words, call the police immediately.  Other words to be on the look out for:  ROFL (Rape Of Female Lactating), TTFN (Terrified Teens Fucking Negros) and BRB (Bored of Raping Bitches).

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So yeah, you've heard me talk about The Gaskets, you've seen the video now see the pictures.  These photos were taken at Matt's pub in Richmond the second time I ever saw the band in question.  And now for the first time ever, the release of the single to The Gaskets upcoming album, Big Fun.  This is just a rough cut of the single, so you want to get the new mix on the CD.  

  The Best Thing.  

Also, you can listen to their theme to the upcoming movie CBR4.  Look through the journal and click the picture that says "Who is special boy?"

Anyway, I have a question for you guys.  Do you want to see more pictures and crap like that, or do you want to see more ranting like the update below.  In the last few days I received more feedback than normal, all praising the "Fuck Yourself" update.    Anyway, you guys should let me know what you want so I can do more of that shit.  Writing long rants is so much easier than cataloging 100s of photos.  Oh yeah, happy Easter.  

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Anyway lets talk about my crazy ex-girlfriend.  I went out with this girl for a week and we broke up, but evidently we didn't.  Because every day she is at my house.  She leaves me crazy notes.  "I'M ON DRUGS YOUR NO WHERE TO BE FOUND I WANNA FUCK.  Instead I'll drink half of your. rootbeer." That was found in my refrigerator.  Today I came home and she was on my couch with her friend watching TV and eating my chips.  Right now she is still on my couch talking to her friend and ignoring me.  Today she told me "Dolemite, is too slow, so I skipped some scenes."  How the fuck is Dolemite too slow?  And she's a film major, she should appreciate slow films.  God damn it.  Why can't I meet an interesting girl who appreciates good blacksploitation.  Okay, now she's bitching that I am bitching about her, so I will move on.

I will instead bitch about SARS.  This is the disease people are getting from Asians.  Now this is just fucking silly.  There is a 4% fatality rate if you catch it, but only 3030 people have ever gotten this thing.  So basically you are at about as much risk of dying from SARS as you are being crushed by a piano, yet everyone is freaking out about it.  I don't even know why I am talking about this crap.  No one cares.  We keep killing journalists in Iraq and no one cares about that either.  I really need to stop talking now, none of this is making any sense.  I'm going to fucking bed.  Wake me up when no one gives a fuck about SARS, Elizabeth Smart, or this silly war.   We are all doomed and I can't even organize a single thought.  

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So since my last real update, I got a girlfriend, got arrested for shoplifting, and broke up with my girlfriend.  We'll technically we haven't broken up, but I'm sure we will very soon cause she keeps lying to me.  However, she took a lot of pictures of me which is the whole update.  I stopped posting pictures of my self on my site, but lots of gay guys email me asking for more, so I figured I should show you what I look like.  Some of these photos are old, but most are pretty new.  I think the cartoon is the best and most realistic picture of me.  So yeah I added like 30 pictures of me.  You should enjoy them because I am hot.  Speaking of me, I got interviewed by Flash News about my balls.  Here's the article.

Net-Head Turns His Testicles Into A `Ballboard'

RICHMOND, Va. (Wireless Flash) -- A man in Richmond, Virginia, is having a
ball on his website -- and he doesn't care who sees.

The 22-year-old nethead -- known only as "Igor" -- runs the website,
www.drivenbyboredom.com and has a unique offer for women: "Send me a
picture of your boobs and I'll write your name on my testicles."

He got the ballsy idea one day when he was getting lots of shots from naked
webcam girls and felt he "should return the favor."

It sounds nutty, but Igor says ladies seem to like seeing their names on
his balls. Still, he can get testy, especially if the woman has a long name.

Igor is getting lots of raves about his ""juevos"" but admits the woman
he's really nuts about is "The Rules Of Attraction" actress Shannyn Sossaman.

He's hoping she will send him a boob shot so he can write her name on his
nards -- even though he might run out of space.

Anyway, because of this I am doing a bunch of interviews for various radio stations this week.  WRIF in Detroit is interviewing me at 11 AM on Tuesday, Red FM in Cork, Ireland is interviewing me at 6:45 PM and at 8:10 AM on Thursday I am being interviewed by Morning Buzz in New England.   If any of you get a chance to listen to any of that, tape it for me and send me a copy.

Enjoy my pretty face.  Fuck yourself.  XOXO. 

PS. Check out the Pigs.

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April Fools.