Email Igor

Horrible things are happening.  The other day my dad came to wake me up at 9 AM to put in my air conditioner because it was so hot in my house that I could not sleep for 3 days.  He comes in my apartment and just starts screaming at me because my apartment is really messy.  So then he leaves and my house is cold and I think that maybe I can get some sleep.  So I lay down, at which point my fucking power goes off.  I go outside to check the fuse box but everything seems to be working fine.  I call my landlord and I can't reach him.  Its about 105 degrees in my house and really dark cause I only have windows in one room.  So I call this girl I have been digging on, because we were suppose to hang out, but she decides she's mad at me for some bullshit I said the night before, so she refuses to hang out with me.  I get all depressed and sad because I have no where to go and I needed to get out of my house.  So I called Teddy from the Gaskets and ask him if I can stay at his house.  He says yes.  I get into my car to drive the 45 min to his house, when I realize my car has been broken into and my CD player has been stolen.  They also opened my CD wallet and decided they didn't like my CD's so they left them.  Evidently I don't have good enough tastes in music for these bastards.  I get to Teddy's and the other Gasket Ross is there.  He decided to quit smoking, and he was all sick and irritable, so he got in a big fight with Teddy and ended up throwing a candle stick at me.  So I was stuck in this house dealing with real personal drama that I shouldn't even be involved in.  So while Ross is cooling down, Teddy and I try to design Gaskets stickers, but it never gets done and I get all pissed off.  Then we were all going to see 28 Days Later, but Teddy's girl friend shows up like 30 min late.  We decided to go to this theater that's about an hour away, because Teddy thinks we can some how make it, and maybe only miss 10 min of the movie.  I say its impossible, but we go anyway.  So we spend an hour driving there with all of us in a horrible mood.  Ross and I just yelled at Teddy and his girlfriend the whole time.  Then we can't even find the theater because we followed mapquest instead of listening to me.  On the way back I get the shits and start bitching about that, Ross has gotten sick again and he's yelling about that and Teddy is yelling at both of us because we are complaining.  When we get to Teddy's house Teddy tells me he doesn't want to talk to me and that Ross was going to sleep.  So I just sat around Teddy's house until I could finally sleep.  The next day (today) I still had no power, my land lord comes and can't fix it.  The electrician cant get here until tomorrow afternoon at the latest.  So I am stuck in my dark house with nothing to do.  Eventually Teddy and Ross come over so we can go see 28 days later again.  But of course Teddy and his girlfriend are late again, so we miss it.  I get all pissed off and we just sit in my house in the dark while I yell at them every time they touch my stuff.  We finally make it to the movie, and it kicks ass.  Then I find out my friend Molly is in town and I get all excited to see her.   I go over to my friend Adam's house and Dylan and Latiffa and Molly are all there, and I realize how fucking boring Dylan is around Latiffa, and how I really don't care about anything anyone is talking about.  I just sit there pissed off until we decided to go to a diner.  On the way there Molly decides to tell me that all my girl problems stem from the fact that I am a bad person, and that I shouldn't be so cocky because I am basically worthless.  After a horribly awkward dinner, I drive her home and almost start crying about how much I hate myself and my life.  Then I drive home and lay in my bed in the dark and just feel sorry for myself.  But of course I can't sleep, so I ran an extension cord outside to some outlet and got my computer up for the moment.  So for now, I have a computer, and maybe tomorrow I will have power, and maybe that girl will call me, but I pretty much doubt it.  And even if she does, I'm sure I'll just piss her off again, like I do with every girl I meet.  I am doomed to be alone and sad because I am good at nothing and a bad person.  I can't think of even one thing that I am better than average at.  And based on t hat last sentence, I don't even have good grammar.  Or is that well grammar?  I guess I'll just blow my fucking head off now.

On a positive note, the band I manage, the most fantastic Gaskets, got a gig opening up for Weird Al at Kings Dominion theme park on July 13th.  There should be thousands of people there, so I am pretty excited.  However, the way things are going, it probably won't even happen, or the Gaskets will fire me before it does.    

PS.  Sorry that I did not post any new content all month, but I'm pretty sure you don't give a fuck either way.  

Email Igor

I am watching the 700 Club. They claim that prayer cures cancer.  How fucked up is that.  They also say porn and gays are demonic.  I can't even believe they let this ignorant shit on TV. This little kid asked them if she should pledge allegiance to the flag, or just to god.  What the hell is wrong with  the world?   I am sorry I never update.  I am going to kill Pat Robertson.  

Anyway, I am sorry I never update, but really, I just don't care.  I've spent the last week thinking about how to woo this girl, but she doesn't seem to care.  She makes out with me some times, but the other times she won't and its really fucking depressing.  I have spent the last week working on that and sleeping all day, so I haven't had time for much.  I did go to a party however.  Me and Andy from PCP Roadblock climbed over like 4 fences and broke into the back yard of some party.  Everyone just stared at us, and we clearly didn't belong.  We pulled a bottle of Gin out of the freezer, filled two pint glasses and ran out.  Some gay black guy yelled at us and called us pussy ass bitches.  Then we went to a real party and I gave everyone my gin.  Then I pissed on a car and put stickers on it and played horse shoes.  Let me tell you, horse shoes fucking rules.

Oh, and according to Pat Robertson, we should pledge allegiance to freedom, but we should pledge allegiance  to god first.  Jesus.

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Don't mind if I do!  So a few people emailed me asking what happened to the psychological reports I put up.  I took them down the day I got on Stern just because I wanted to update you with the Stern stuff.  So I am putting back up the report today.  Anyway, for those of you who didn't read the other day, this is the report I presented to the judge in my petti larsony case.  I think my lawyer was trying to do an insanity defense or something, cause this report does not put me in a very good light.  A lot of it is just wrong, but it's interesting so I figured I would post it.  

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Anyway, I still have a shit load of pictures to upload at some point, but as you can see from the last few months, I am lazy as hell.  I am getting this camera some time this week.  It should revolutionize my photos.  Maybe not the stuff you see online, but my prints will be amazing.  Yum.  I feel I should rant about something to entertain you some how, but I have nothing to say.  I saw Giagantic this weekend, I recommend it.  I also saw X play the 930 club.  That was pretty hot too.  Then my car broke down and I got stuck in DC.  It is going to cost like $1000 dollars to fix my car.  Great.    Yeah, I guess I'll go now.  Something something someday.

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I was on Howard Stern this morning, I hope a bunch of you heard it.  I was really tired, and they blasted the Gaskets pretty badly, but I'm sure some people dug it.  If you missed it, you can hear an Mp3 of the show.  So if you want to book or need The Gaskets for anything Let me know.  Buy The Gaskets CD Here.   Listen To Free Gaskets Music Here.

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So it was my birthday, and I got wasted.  Everyone in two different bars got me drinks. I was doing okay until Barry gave me a shot of 151.  I was sipping Bacardi as if it were my day of birth.  Anyway, usually when I drink I end up getting into a fight or sexually harassing someone or breaking something or something horrible, but I did pretty well.  Well, almost.  I did grab this girl Alison's boob and proceed to hit on her all night.  She was clearly not into me, and I said some stupid shit to her and even if I had a chance (which I didn't) my anti-game fucked it up.  Then I told this other girl Alison that both her boyfriend and her wanted to fuck me because I was so hot, and that I could ruin their relationship by stealing either one of them from the other.  It was me at my finest.  Anyway, I was leaving the bar to go to my friend Dylan's house when he punched me in the ass as I was saying good bye to one of the Alison's so I chased him down and jump kicked him in the back.  He went crashing face first into the front door and the owner of the bar.  So I am trying to explain to the owner of the bar how we are just friends and its all good, when Dylan runs back in the door and starts punching me in the head.  I don't want to piss off the  owner, so I just sit there and take his beating.  Then he bitched out and biked home before I could settle the fight.  So I went over to his house, sat down next to him, and watched CKY4.  Then I went home and tried to pass out.  But of course I couldn't because I am insane, so I posted drunken reviews on garageband.com and babbled at people on the SG chat room.  Then around 3PM I went to lunch and ate food, got sick and passed out.  Over all a good night.  Tonight I went out and all these people had heard about me getting drunk and gave me shit.  It was weird how small this city is that in two days everyone knows how I made a jack ass out of myself again.  God bless Richmond.  

Here's May.