In all honesty I actually donated $20 and ordered 45 buttons which I will be passing out whenever I get them, but in the mean time, get your own damn button.

ShareThis

ShareThis

ShareThis

So here is actual proof that when giraffe’s are born they don’t look like people.  They mostly just look like a mixture of baby Alien’s mixed with regular giraffes.  Still, pretty spooky.

ShareThis

There was a Batman theme called “Dark Nyte” which I thought was cute.  I met a girl that I took naked photos of in Vegas, but she kept her clothes on this night.  One girl that I did not even say a word to me flashed me, so NSFW.  I hope that girl from Vegas hangs out again, she’s super cute.  Anyway, this party was a week ago and I sort of forget what went on.  But I just saw that the Voice put these photos up so I figured I would do this update before I fell asleep.  I am now on sleeping pills and fading fast, so with that in mind:

Your BYTE photos go here.

ShareThis

PS. I will be updating this site, just not with party photos, except the BYTE photos from last week that will be up tomorrow. Sorry for the delay.

ShareThis

Anyway, these photos I thought sucked, but there are a few in here I did enjoy. If you don’t believe me, see for yourself here. You bastards.

ShareThis

Sorry these photos are so late, but if you click right here you can see them in their vibrant glory.

ShareThis

Second small thing of note, although much less important, you may have come here looking for some photos from Byte on Sunday, Happy Endings on Tuesday or High Voltage last night and you have found nothing. This is because I am suffering from what might be known as exhaustion. I wake up at 1pm everyday, leave work at 2, get home from work at midnight, go out and shoot, get home at 5, work on this website until 8am and then start over. This is killing me. I did not get any sleep last night due to a friend taking mushrooms and not being able to make it home due to the fact that she thought she was in Tokyo and that all the taxi cabs had become alligators. Long story short is that after this weekend I am taking a week break from party photos except for the Jump party that I agreed to shoot weeks ago (more on that later). The photos from the aforementioned parties will be up tomorrow or Saturday. See you then.

Long live the Half-Stache!

UPDATE: Read the comments section of this post for the Half-Stache controversy!

ShareThis

Here are a few cute ones.  NSFW.

ShareThis

The other night was completely out of hand.  Bars were closing and I had just driven into the city from Brooklyn where I had been shooting the Trashy Trashed party or whatever it was called.  I went to meet with a friend of mine at Max Fish.  While waiting in line to put my stickers in the bathroom she was making fun of this guy who always rides the mechanical horse.  She also happened to be sitting on said horse.  This is one of those horses you see outside of Supermarkets and ACME brand type Wallmart type stores and such places like that.  I feel like there are several of them outside of bodegas on Ave A.  Anyway, she is sitting on this horse so I put in a quarter when she was not looking.  Suddenly she goes from talking shit to smiling and seems to be enjoying said horse greatly.  I decided that I had to try it, but I was out of quarters so I sat on the tail.  And while the pain on this tail mashing itself into my coccyx was not exactly pleasant, I did come to the conclusion that riding one of these horses is far more satisfying that it looks.  This is a very important realization in my life.  I recommend it to everyone.

Moments later I was standing out front when a drunken man on a skateboard did a face plant into the concrete.  No one really knew what to do.  He was just laying on the ground motionless.  I thought he would be missing teeth or something.  People sort of tried to roll him over, and someone went inside to get help.  I was the closest person to him and I just sort of stood there.  There was this girl who I saw taking bad “street photography” photos outside the bar.  She at once started photographing him. Some other people took this as a cue to pull out their cameras.  Now while this is the sort of thing that I might normally find appealing to photograph, but realisticly I was actually more concerned for this man’s well being than I was taking photos.  When he stood up, I pulled out my camera to get a shot of his blood soaked face when I realized that he was just going to walk away without getting help.  I tried to explain to him that he had been unconscious for several minutes and he should just sit down.  He angrily informed me never to talk to him like that again.  His friends then came out, I told them what happened and left.  I think that if when he passed out there would have been missing teeth or a lot more blood I would have taken some shots, but really it just looked like he was drunk and passed out on the sidewalk.  Pretty boring photos probably, and I am not going to wallow in someone’s misery for mediocre shots.

After that I got in touch with my friend Jessica who was having a “Metal Party” at her house.  I asked who was there and she said “Oh, just Alexander and I.”  When I showed up, her friend Skipper was there too, and they were teasing their hair and applying more hair spray than should normally be sprayed in lifetime.  Jessica told me she was trying to look as much like Nikki Sixx as possible.  I found out she had just woken up and decided just to stay in and play dress up.  When I got there it was nearly 5AM and it was light outside by the time they finished getting ready.  Alexander was already dressed supremely metal, but then again, he pretty much dresses like that every day, although this night he was missing his normal top hat.  I wanted to fit in, so I shaved my awful facial hair into a Lemmy-eque handle bar mustache that I put mascara on so it would look less like a prepubescent pedophile working a taco stand.  Skipper decided to fill in my eyebrows too.  At some point they drew an upside down cross on my head, but it was about 175 degrees in Jessica’s apartment and it quickly sweated off.    We then took a lot of pictures.

The important thing to note about this is that we were listening to hair metal the entire time.  They had made a mix.  All these kids are like 5 years younger than me I think… at least Jess is, and it was strangely surprising to me that she had Great White on the play list and stuff.  Like, admittedly Hooked was one of my favorite albums in 1990, but I was 10 and Nirvana had not yet entered my consciousness yet… I am positive that Jess was not a big Great White fan in 1990, but you never know.  I just think it is weird that someone would ever come back to some of these ridiculous metal bands post-Nirvana and be pretty much obsessed with that music.  I mean I was obsessed with it, but I didn’t know any better.  All I listened to before I heard Smells Like Teen Spirt was rap and hair metal.  It was either that or New Kids On The Block, and at least I knew better than that.

Anyway, I knew every single lyric to every song they were playing that night and at one point I started randomly whistling the first few notes of “Wind Of Change” by the Scorpions and the second I finished the bar, that song shuffled on.  It was so insane.  Of the 200 songs on the playlist (which I had never heard) it was a pretty bewildering chance that song would be next (even if I had known it was on the list, which I didn’t).  I cannot possibly explain how amazing this was.  I was sort of flipping out about it all night.  No one else really cared, as I am sure you do not care about it now.  Still, it was one of the most amazing things that has happened to me this calendar year.

After we were done taking photos we decided to get food.  We all looked like lunatics, but I was quite okay with this.  Jessica was not.  She kept apologizing to everyone on the street for our weird looks.  Alex was mildly annoyed by this as he was dressed like he always dresses.  I just didn’t really see the point in acting a fool if you are going to apologize for it.  So as soon as I had ordered my clam chowder and key lime pie Jess decided we were going to a party in Brooklyn.  Keep in mind it is now 630AM.  So we had to get the food to go.  I did not want to take my soup to go, so I ate it as quickly as I could alternating bites of chowder with key lime pie, which was met with strange looks from everyone at the table (which now included a man named Paul). As soon as I finished stuffing the last bite of $6 pie into my mouth I was told that we were no longer going to the party and I could take my time eating.  Fuck. So we left the diner, which is not really a diner because they don’t serve milkshakes (despite having ice cream and milk on the menu, and a blender in full view of the bar).  Neither 7a (home of the $6 pie) nor Sidewalk have milkshakes making that entire block of A between 6th and 7th pretenders to the claim of diner.

Continuing on, before I returned home I tried to convince Jess, who had been topless several times in the last two hours, to let me take a picture of her flashing a small spanish speaking bodega employee who was sweeping up flower petals outside of a corner store.  She was too embarrassed to do it, but thought it would be a great idea to take a picture with him anyway.  I said forget it, but by that time she was already across the street putting her arm around him for a picture.  Right before I took it, I pulled off the bandana that she was wearing as a shirt down, exposing her to this small man, which caused pretty much everyone to fall on the ground laughing.  Everyone high fived me, and even Jess thought it was pretty funny.  I hope when I develop that roll it will be as funny as I think it will be.  A few minutes later I said good bye and walked back up the street towards that bodega, the man was still outside watering flowers with the biggest grin I have ever seen in my life still on his face.  I was glad I could lighten up his life if only for a little while… because after all, isn’t that what pornography is all about?

Let the metal gods bless you all.  Hail Satan.

Enjoy some of the pictures from the Hair Metal Dress Up Party.

ShareThis

Anyway, fight videos… no knives.

I’m not sure whether or not I’ve sent this to you already, but my goodness.

Martial artist’s skills actually work in street fight! Headlock takedown followed my side control, a full mount, and raining elbows results in an easy victory.

Who starts a fight with a backhand? A bad, bad boy.

ShareThis

Okay, get on the photos. Get on them now.

ShareThis

Anyway, we tried to shoot this set once before, in this exact same bathroom, but she had really bad sunburn. I thought it would make for really great tan lines, but it was too uneven and ended up look like some kind of rash or something. It was really too bad. When she was wearing a mask to Trash last friday for the Masquerade Ball thing, I thought this would be a really good time to reshoot it. I think the photos are pretty hot, but before we get to them some completely unrelated notes of interest:

1. I am watching this Rolling Stones Rock And Roll Circus VHS tape that my coworker lent me while I am updating this and John Lennon is jamming with Keith Richards and Eric Clapton (They went by the name The Dirty Mac) and Jimmy Hendrix’s drummer and they are all rocking out and it’s great and everything and then Yoko Ono comes on and it is like screaming and wailing and it becomes the most awful thing ever. And everyone is just sort of looking around feeling embarrassed except for John who is taking the whole thing very seriously. It is very fucked up. I had no idea how bad Yoko really was.
2. On Friday night, I didn’t take any photos, but I was at Trash and I was talking to my friend Nicole and this really drunk girl comes up puts her arm around me and starts telling me that she wants me. Me and Nicole are sort of laughing and I am holding her up. Nicole and I keep talking. Then she goes up to Nicole and says “If you have a problem with him going home with me, we can take this outside.” Needless to say that Nicole fell on the floor laughing and I decided right then and there that that was the best and will be the best thing that anyone has ever said to me, about me, or involving me in anyway for as long as I live.

Anyway, it is time too look at half naked photos of the lovely, long legged Sarah 2.0. NSFW.

ShareThis

Spaghetti Westerns were Westerns made by Italian’s shot in Spain, primarily in the 1970’s. They used Italian actors to play Mexicans in the west. They also employed international actors and had them all speaking different languages to each other. The most well known of these movies were the Leone/Eastwood “Man With No Name” films… A Fistful of Dollars, A Few Dollars More and Good The Bad And The Ugly. In these films Clint Eastwood spoke English to the Italian actors speaking Italian. When the film was released in the States, Eastwood’s dialogue remained his own, but the Italian actors had their voices dubbed into English. This was reversed for the Italian releases. These films were generally low budget, but often ultra violent making them especially interesting to American audiences. These movies gained significant influence in the world of American filmmaking.

So the next thing we need to talk about is Yojimbo. Yojimbo was a samurai film made in 1961 staring Toshiro Mifune made by the legend Akira Kurosawa in 1961. It was about a samurai who comes to a small town that is stuck in a war between two rival gangs who run gambling houses. Yojimbo convinces one gang to hire him for protection and then plays the two gangs against each other, getting money on both ends. Despite my love for Kurosawa and Mifune it is not one of my top 5 favorite Samurai films… however two of it’s remakes are two of my favorite movies of all time.

The first of these was the previously mentioned A Fistful of Dollars in 1964. This put Spaghetti Westerns on the map and made both Eastwood and Sergio Leone famous. That trilogy might be my favorite of all trilogy. Sitting here thinking about that seems insane, but I cannot honestly think of a three movie series that I like better. Maybe if you count Park Chan Wook’s Vengance films as a trilogy… or discount Planet Of The Apes 2 and 5… or Nightmare On Elm St 2,4,5,6 and Freddy Vs Jason… Or started watching the Godfather series and started taking a shot every time someone got shot and by the time you got to the third film you were passed out drunk and you woke up to the credits. Or quite possibly if you consider Wayne’s World Bill And Ted 3. But I don’t think you can do any of these things, so let it be said that The Man With No Name Trilogy is my favorite Trilogy ever. Apologies to Bruce Campbell.

Let’s move on… Only 2 years later a bad ass motherfucker named Sergio Corbucci decided to remake A Fistful Of Dollars… only this time he added more blood. You know that scene in Reservoir Dogs when Mr. Blonde cuts off that cops ear? Well he stole that from Corbucci’s remake 1966 Django. Corbucci, while not as well known as Leone, is probably just as amazing, and definitely way more fucked up. I will go right ahead and say that the ending to his film The Great Silence is one of the top 5 best endings in film history. (I blogged about it here.) Anyway… Django is probably not as good as A Fistful Of Dollars, but it is certainly bad ass, and Frank Nero could probably take Eastwood in a fight… or a gun fight.

Okay so let’s see what we have here…. Japanese samurai film, turned into Italian western, turned into ultra-violent Italian western… Fast forward 40 years and meet Takeshi Miike. Miike is a revolutionary Japanese Asian Extreme director who has made at least 3 of the top 10 most fucked up films I have ever seen. He decides to turn this Japanese samurai film turned ultra-violent Spaghetti Western into… An ultra-violent Japanese Sukiyaki Western with a hint of samurai swordplay. Sukiyaki is a Japanese noodle dish which is I guess the closest thing Japan has to spaghetti. This is hilarious. The film is called Sukiyaki Western Django and is a remake of… well… Django… and A Fistful Of Dollars… and Yojimbo…

The film is extremely fast paced and out of control and makes very little sense… like pretty much every Miike film. It is completely fucking insane and is very different from the other films. The plot line is basically the same as the other films… this time the main character comes between two rival treasure seeking gangs and according to little text tags at the beginning and end of the movie it takes place a few hundred years after Yojimbo and a few decades before Django. (UPDATE: I was wrong about this.  Check the comments on the post for details.) There are clear references to Django and a sword fight scene that references Yojimbo. One of the characters is names Akira which is assumed to be a reference to Akria Kurosawa until in his second of two cameo appearances Quentin Tarantino explains that he called his son Akria because he is a big Anime nerd. The film veers off course from the original plots as well, as the hero does not really play both sides… he mostly just fights against everyone for no real apparent reason. There is also the addition of an ass kicking female character which is completely absent from all the previous films. And lastly, instead of being dubbed into English or Subtitled, all the actors speak English… completely marred by thick Japanese (and in some cases Chinese) accents. It is pretty impossible to tell what they are saying some times, especially when everyone in the theater is crying laughing. I think this just adds to the confusion and bewilderment of this hilarious action packed remake of a remake of a remake of a remake. That being said, I can do nothing but recommend this film whole heartedly when it comes out in wide release later this summer.

Lastly, I must mention that there is another A Fistful Of Dollars remake (well it is closer to Fist than it is Yojimbo) called Last Man Standing (directed by Walter Hill of The Warriors fame) which was a Bruce Willis bomb that is actually pretty fucking awesome. Excluding Deer Hunter it is probably the best Christopher Walken film that features Walken in anything much more than a cameo. Sorry this is another tangent in a way too long post, but Christopher Walken has been in some of the worst movies in history. I know everyone loves him, but look at his IMDB. Outside of True Romance, Pulp Fiction and Waynes World his film career is fucking embarrassing. What does it say when the thing you are most known for is a SNL sketch?

Okay, I have ranted too long. Just watch all the trailers… in reverse chronological order after the jump…

(more…)

ShareThis