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So I got a parking ticket the other day and it made me realize I don’t have any cop friends that could fix this situation for me. So I decided to place some personal ads on Craigslist. Click the adds to see the actual posts while they last.

UPDATE - 6.12.08:
I didn’t receive any responses to my add until today.

The $#%#D@ nerve.  I hope they hammer you hard.
What your asking for and what your offering in return is a serious charge.
I suggest you stay off of craigs list with your nonsense.

HAHAHAHAHA….

You need to buy this straw on ebay.  It is the exact length of my erect penis.  Per description:

At work the other day I saw a box of straws. On the box it said their length. This length was coincidentally the exact length of my fully erect genitalia. Because of the mass media obsession with my website, Drivenbyboredom, I know there is a big demand out there to find out exactly how big I am. There is only one of three ways: 1. Ask someone and hope they are telling the truth, 2. Trick me into cheating on my girlfriend with you, OR you could buy this straw. You need it now. Free shipping on any orders over $100. Otherwise, it will cost you one buck. Are you excited yet?

So BID ON IT NOW!!!

For archival reasons; here is a screen shot.

In 2001 I used to sell things on eBay. I would sell junk and write funny things about the junk and people would read it and say “hey, that is sort of funny” and then they would go back to looking at porn. Anyway, I did that for a while until I sold this ball of wire and tape online as a piece of the MIR Space Station which had recently crashed. I was written up in this article on the Register and my site blew up. I made some Canadian TV show and thousands of people saw my auction. Then ebay took it down. So I put it up as art that just looked like the MIR. They took that down too. Then I got suspended from ebay. I got my account back, but I was eventually banned completely when I resold the same bunch of wires as part of Aaliyah’s plane after she was killed in a plane crash. I thought this was funny, ebay did not. Many months later I started it back up, but it was never really as funny. The one cool thing that came out of the whole ordeal was that I got one of my ebay auctions written up in an book about ebay auctions. That was cool. Anyway, as DBB is back from the dead, we might as well bring ebay pranks back. This is the first, and there may be more in the future. Who knows?

So check out Rare George Washington Dollar Bill. Mustache? Beard?

And in 90 days or whatever, when ebay takes down this link, you can see a screen shot here.