So I got a Ronald Reagan dressed as a pimp tattoo. You might ask why the Hell would I do something like that.  I might tell you it is an indictment of the irresponsible fiscal policies and the theory of trickle down economics. It is satirizing of tax breaks for the wealthy and Reaganomics.  Or I might just tell you that I got it because I think it’s hilarious. Cause it is.

Really I just wanted something by Mitch O’Connell who is a favorite artist of mine and when going through his book of tattoo ideas I realized my favorite images were his series of presidents dressed as pimps.  The Reagan stood out to me because when I was a kid I loved Reagan before I understood politics can because it just happened to fit in the spot where I wanted to put a tattoo.

I was born in 1980 a few months before Reagan was elected president. He was with me for all my formative years and as a child obsessed with both Family Ties and jelly beans he seemed flawless. If Alex P. Keaton loved Reagan, you can be damn sure I did. If you are younger than 25 and have no idea who Alex P. Keaton is you need to watch this right away.

Moving on, I photographed this amazing pool party that was held for my friend and tattoo artist Betty Rose. She asked me to shoot it and as payment she offered up this sweet Reagan tattoo.  She did my Aloha Monkey and she killed it once again with my man Ronnie here. She had to make his head and hands a bit bigger than they were in the original drawing for detail, but I think it looks pretty sweet anyway.  So go get tattooed by her already and if anyone else wants to trade photos for tattoos… let a brother know.

Lastly, speaking of tattoos, on Tuesday more people are going to be getting the Driven By Boredom logo tattooed to them.  I have two people confirmed but we could always use more.  My friend Jess is going to hook everyone up proper. If not Tuesday then we can do it soon… So if you want a free Driven By Boredom tattoo on Tuesday or any time in the near future let me know and you can join the ranks of these amazing people who already have Driven By Boredom tattoos!

Ronnie Reagan he’s our man! If he can’t do it nobody can!

In trying to find things to update this site with while I am waiting on a new camera lens to appear in the mail I have noticed out of the last four updates two are naked girls and one is a video girls making out.  Well, I guess we can keep my page nice and classy with this Craigslist M4W personal ad I put up at 3am. Things like this happen when you are totally losing your mind from lack of sleep.

For the record I only received one response and I am pretty sure it was from a prostitue.  But everyone on Twitter thought it was funny so now you guys get to read it. Click here to see the ad (with pictures!) at least until they take it down next week.

Ps. Clearly this is a joke, but I am still taking applications from any and all rad insomniac babes.

I feell like we just did one of these posts where I talk about bullshit you don’t care about and offer no content… Well it’s time already time to do it again. Sorry.

You may have noticed that I haven’t updated this site in several days.  There are three reasons for that.  The first and most important reason is that I was putting together a package for a watch advertisement that I am hopefully going to shoot this month.  I had to cast models and locations and then just put the damn thing together so that took up a lot of time.  Secondly, if you notice the last update was about Monday Night Football.  Well that MNF game was one of the most crippling moments of my life so I had to sleep all fucking day the next day an mourn for the Miami Dolphins. The last reason was because of camera issues.

As you may know I bought a new camera and a few other accessories. The Nikon D700 is an amazing camera and I thought it would inspire me to go out and shoot a lot, but the camera is actually so similar to my D300 that I actually didn’t feel the need to play with it that much.  It is much better in the dark, and it has a full frame sensor, but other than that for practical reasons its pretty much the same camera.  I also was waiting on my new lens to go with said camera (17-35mm 2.8).  When I got it I hated it. I shot two events with it and midway through the second one I realized it was WAY too wide for me. The distortion is awful and I just don’t feel right with it. On top of that I got it used and the lens sticks when you zoom and I missed a bunch of shots. I am going to try to return it, not because I hate it, but because it sticks and is in way worse condition that the ebay auction led me to believe. Unfortunately they are not responding to my emails and until I can get my money back I can’t buy a new lens. In the mean time I think I will be shooting with my fixed 20mm lens.

All that being said, I did shoot nearly 2000 photos since I talked to you guys last including two parties (Rando & Big Top), a Gods Girl, two corporate type events, and a bunch of press photos for The Death Set that featured some hot naked girls.  You will be psyched about the updates I have for you over the next few days.  I spent several hours editing the images down and they are almost ready to go, but in the mean time they are uploading and I am uploading images for clients and the whole thing is taking way too long so you get this super boring post about why they aren’t up yet.  But in just a few hours I will get up those Death Set pics and you will realize they are well worth the wait.

Since I have you all here I wanted to give a shout out to my boys Semi Precious Weapons who are in town tomorrow night at Irving Plaza. I am going to be there and I hope to see you fuckers out. You get a discount on tickets if you say “Semi Precious Trash” at the door.  I am not exactly sure what the discount is, but who gives a shit, you should be lucky you don’t have to pay $100 to see them at Madison Square Garden.

Also, if you are interested in online gambling for some reason you should look at this link. I had to write about that in order to cash a check. Sorry about that, but I gotta pay for these fucking new lenses and cameras and stuff. Don’t judge me. At least I tried to make it slightly funny right? Right?

What else can we talk about? Did you know I am listening to Elton John right now? What the fuck is up with that? I feel like I had something to talk to you about.  You could vote for my friend maybe? He is trying to win a car, in hilarious fashion, but I think the contest is going to be over by the time you read this. Hmm… We should plug my Tumblr again because there is always good shit going on over there even if I am not updating this site. Speaking of my Tumblr, yesterday I posted on there about how I paid someone $40 to sharpen a pencil for me. I love the idea of artisanal pencil sharpening plus the guy who did the sharpening (David Rees) was the guy responsible for one of the all time most fantastic comics, Get Your War On.  Speaking of…

Well evidently it’s already Sunday and for whatever reason I haven’t really updated in two days and I haven’t really taken any pictures.  Well, that is not actually the case. I have shot a few naked girls and I spent all Saturday taking photos of locations for a shoot I am doing for for a Swiss watch advertisement.  But I have admittedly been slacking a little bit.  Part of that is because I got a new camera and I was waiting for a new lens to arrive, but I got that lens and now it should be time to rock.

Let’s talk about the new camera.  I got a Nikon D700 so I finally have a full frame sensor which means I can take advantage of some better lenses which would be pointless with Nikon’s DX cameras, such as the 17-35 2.8 Wide Zoom lens I just got.  I am pretty excited about that thing although I don’t normally shoot that wide so my party photos might look pretty different from now on.  I got the lens used for about $700 less that it is new and it looks like it’s in pretty good shape other than some cosmetic damage.  Now, I know most of you aren’t camera geeks and you don’t give a shit about any of that.  All this should mean to you guys is that I will probably be using my flash a little left because the D700 with a 2.8fstop can pretty much shoot in the dark and it means that my shots will be a lot wider than you are used to. Also with sharper glass I won’t need to sharpen my images so that might effect the way they look as well. But I guess we will find out in time.  It also means that if you rob me walking home from a club you can pawn my camera for more now than you could have a week ago.

Okay, now that that’s out of the way I gotta plug a few projects that don’t directly have anything to do with me but are project that I sort of worked on and I figure I should promote them.

The first is the debut of the first half of the Ruffeo Hearts Lil Snotty (RHLS) movie called “**** CAN’T WAIT.. (ANY LONGER)”.  If the name sounds weird just wait till you see it.  RHLS is a super weird clothing company and the movie is sort of a video look book for their new line. It’s a stop motion animation featuring music by Das Racist producer LE1F and noise artist Driphouse. It stars Anna Barrie from These Are Powers.  I shot three or four scenes of the 8 part series but they haven’t edited my parts yet so they won’t be in the first half of the video. But you should watch it anyway so when you see my parts it will make sense (it won’t make sense).  Anyway, the video debuts on Monday at 10PM on the World Wide Internet.  For all the details check out this magical Facebook invite.

The second thing I need to plug is a porn film. Classy right?  Well several years ago I met a guy in Las Vegas named Joe Gallant.  We had a mutual friend and we hit it off and I partied with him one night at some crazy fetish party after the AVN Awards.  At the time he was living in NYC and when he needed some people to play paparazzi in a porn film he was making about celebrity vampires he asked me to be in the movie.  The film was called Hell’s Kittens and I am an extra in it for about 2 seconds. You can see the back of my head and my camera and briefly hear my voice.  Pretty exciting. After the scene was over Joe asked me if I wanted to come back and hang out on set where they shot actual porn scenes.  I had never seen a porn being shot so I figured I couldn’t pass this opportunity up. I hung out for one evening of shooting and shot a bunch of behind the scenes shots.  Anyway, the production company that made the film folded before the movie was ever released and the only reason I even got to see it was because Joe hooked me up with a bootleg copy when I ran into him in Vegas last January.  I figured that would be the end of it until Joe emailed me a few days ago to let me know that the film had been released after all under Club Jenna in May.  He asked me to do a little plug for it on my site to get some press as they gear up for awards season.  So yeah, check out my old photos from Hell’s Kittens (NSFW) and read this write up on the release of the film.

Lastly, totally unrelated to anything I just got back some 1600 ISO black and white film that I shot recently. I posted one of the shots today on my Tumblr but I shot a few pictures at parties so I figured I would show you some of what my party pictures would look like if I was shooting nothing but black and white film all the time…

I have done several Post Office live blogs on my Twitter and people have seemed to love them so a few weeks ago when I did one I took screen shots of my Tweets and then instead of posting about them I totally forgot about them.  Yesterday I had an actually almost positive experience at the Post Office and it reminded me that I never posted the last live blog.  So guess what? You get to enjoy this shit today.  Hip hip hurray.

Here are a few things you need to know before reading this. One is that my post office is the Williamsburg Post Office. I have never been to a worse Post Office before but I hear that there are actually worse ones in NYC.  I find that hard to believe. Secondly the blog mentions two photos, one of them is a blurry picture of people standing around so you can just imagine that one, the other is a man sitting in a folding chair that he brought with him.  I have uploaded that for your pleasure so click here if you want to see it.  And lastly, remember to read these from the bottom to the top because that’s how Twitter works or something.

Enjoy.

Don’t read this if you don’t want to be completely grossed out.

So let me tell you about the last hour of my life.  I was returning from Richmond, VA to Washington, DC to return my parents car. I borrowed it to drive to my friends memorial service and I planned on dropping it off and spending the night there and seeing my parents because they were out of town when I picked up the car.

Now the gross part is that for several hours I needed to take a shit but I figured I could hold it until I got home and I was totally fine until I pulled up to my parents house. As soon as my body sensed that I was near a toilet it wanted to shit NOW.  I pulled my car in the drive way and fucking ran to the side door which was the only door I have a key for.  When I reached the door I realized that I had locked the bottom lock on the way out and I only had the key to the top lock.  I ran to the back of the house where I knew a way to push the back door and slide my key in a place to open it.  I guess my parents fixed the door and I couldn’t get in.  I ran to all the other doors and realized I was completely fucked.  My parents won’t be home until the morning. At this point I had pretty much shit my pants. I had no idea what the fuck to do so I just pulled down my pants and took a fucking shit behind a bush in the middle of their front yard.

I have never shit myself before (in full disclosure once when I was really really sick I shit myself in my sleep) and I haven’t taken a shit outside since I was at summer camp when I was 12, much less in my parents fucking front yard. I tried to wipe with a leaf like you are supposed to but it just got all over my hands.  I sort of wiped it on the ground and pulled up my pants. It was fucking horrible. I could smell the shit in my pants and my hand was revolting. At this point I called my parents to tell them I was going to break a window. My dad explained that it was triple pained glass and it would be impossible to break in.  I tried anyway and he was right.  The rock just barely chipped the glass.  So I fucking got in my car, rolled down the windows to get rid of the smell and drove to a fucking Red Roof Inn off Route 1 which is where I am now hoping I don’t get bed bugs.

It was a horrible fucking experience to end one of the saddest days of my fucking life and I just figured I would share that with you for some insane reason.  I just feel like it’s a pretty funny story and when I was running around outside trying to find a window to break I would have fucking laughed at myself. I also ruined one of my favorite pairs of underwear.

Now to end this horribly embarrassing post I want to leave you with a video. It is by a man named Nathan Browningham. When I met him his name was just Nathan Brown but he married a woman who’s last name was Cunningham and instead of her taking his last name they both changed their name to Browningham. Seriously, that is not a joke. He looks like a stoner and he sounds like Prince and he is an amazing fucking dude. He would be really upset by Ross’ death for sure. He loved the Gaskets.  Anyway, Nathan Browningham once shit himself trying to get from his tour bus to a 7-11 bathroom and wrote a song about it called “Gotta Get It Out Of Here”.  He actually tells the long story of how he shit himself every time he plays a show. Maybe it’s therapy like this is therapy. Trying to make something entertaining out of an embarrassing and awful situation. Either way, the song is actually fucking wonderful despite the subject.  So enjoy it and I’ll be back on Tuesday.

Just kidding. If you clicked over from Twitter or Tumblr or your RSS feeder you have been fooled! I have no Hannah Montana child porn for you no matter how much you want it. Seriously, that is gross. Why did you click that link? What the Hell is wrong with you?

All jokes aside I have nothing fun for you today. Just a little house keeping and some links.  I just thought Miley Cyrus Naked would be a better title than “Bullshit you don’t care about, and other links”.

Mostly I just wanted to tell you guys that I am going on Vacation. I will be gone Saturday to Tuesday and then as soon as I get back on Wednesday I leave for another few days to cover THE GATHERING OF THE FUCKING JUGGALOS for the Village Voice. That is really happening. I will be sleeping in an RV for 4 days in the middle of nowhere so I have my doubts that things will get updated at all. I don’t even know if I will have electricity. That is for serious.

So things will be a bit slow next week and clearly they are slow right now. I have an update for you tomorrow, and I hope I will shoot some parties either tonight or tomorrow so I have some shots ready to go for the weekend, but like I said, it might be slow around here for a little while.

So to kill time while you are impatiently refreshing my page over and over again to see if I have updated you could check out some new stuff I have online.

Here are some of the Dos & Don’ts I have shot for Vice Magazine recently: Don’t, Do, Don’t, Do, Don’t, Do, & Don’t

Here are some of my naked photos that have showed up on Gawker’s adult blog, Fleshbot, recently (NSFW): Andy, Dana, Shay & Tayte.

Here are some new Village Voice galleries: Naked Art Party, Gallery Bar, Greenhouse, & Trash.

Complex.com wrote and article on Ellen Stagg and I took the the picture of her for it.

I have some stuff in Inked Magazine this month (and most months).

And lastly, here is a picture of the Mario Kart parked outside of my apartment every day. Oh, and sorry again about the Miley Cyrus thing…

Lazy Sunday post! Step right up!

Freaks? Weirdos!?

No! Human Marvels!

So since I haven’t taken a single picture since last Thursday you get made up updates that I have just laying around.  Remember when I rescued the kittens I found in a box on Avenue D? Well I took a ton of pictures of them but everyone was sick of hearing about them.  I feel like enough time has passed that I can drop some cute bombs on you again.  After this I am pretty much out of kitten updates as I found them new homes and hopefully they are being treated wonderfully.  They had ear mites but they got treatment, got all their shots and we found out they were both boys.  They are named Maven and Jameson.  Jameson is the black one and I got rid of him first so most of the shots are of Maven because I shot an entire roll of 35mm film of him the last day I had him.  I miss him the most.

Thees things are just LOL cats waiting to happen.  Whoever makes the best LOL Cat out of these pictures wins a DBB tote bag or something.

Anyway, this is all I got for you today. Hopefully I shoot something epic tonight. Click here to see all the fucking adorable pictures of this fucking retardely cute kittens.