When my punk cover band Fucking Bullshit performed our last show we decided to do a Christmas tune. We covered Fuck Christmas by Fear and I disrobed before the song and performed it wearing nothing but a Christmas thong and a Santa hat. I asked my friend Sasha to film it since she is a filmmaker and photographer but evidently she was drunker than I thought and she managed to miss Fuck Christmas completely. I was planning on releasing the Fuck Christmas footage on my website on Christmas day. Alas it was not meant to be.

The one song Sasha did film was our encoure, Depression by Black Flag. We were not planning on playing it and hadn’t practiced it in weeks but someone tucked a dollar bill into my g-string during the last song so I told the crowd if they paid me $10 I would perform another song. They threw enough money at me so we carried on. Unfortunately I was completely wasted at this point and didn’t remember how it started and we just sort of butchered the song. I wouldn’t even bother posting it except the ending is really amazing and this small Asian man comes up to me and asks to take a photo of me. There is also a lot of footage of me pretty much naked and playing with my genitals on stage. I am sure you will enjoy it a lot but make sure if nothing else you watch everything from the 1:45 mark on…

Merry Fucking Christmas.

I don’t even know why I need to keep telling you motherfuckers about how life changing my punk cover band is, but you need to know. You get another chance tonight to see Fucking Bullshit if you have the balls for it. We are playing a free show tonight at Lulu’s in Greenpoint. Not only is the show free but you get free pizza with every drink order. You cannot fuck with that. The show starts at 9 and we play around 11. There are two metal bands from Boston playing with us.

Seriously you need to go for one of three reasons. 1) You are a friend of mine/fan of this website and you need to support. 2) You want to just see a wild fucking show and like the idea of watching me do something insanely fucked up on stage 3) You like punk rock and this shit will actually be an amazing fun time for you.

We have played three shows so far and I have bled on stage in two of them.  I will get drunk and possibly vomit. I might get naked. Who fucking knows? I certainly don’t. I can’t promise anything other than it will be a wild show and the more people who show up the more likely it is for the show to end in a horrifying display of violence.

To get a better understanding of what I am talking about look at these photos and then enjoy this short video clip of me trying to knock myself unconscious with a microphone while covering a GG Allin song. I love you all, see you tonight.

If you recall I front the world’s greatest punk cover band, Fucking Bullshit and while most cover bands are just for fun and kind of a joke, I take my band way too fucking seriously. I have wanted to be in a band my entire life and it turns out I am pretty good at it. I might not have any musical talent but I can put on a mother fucking show and to me that is 95% of live music. You may never get a chance to buy an album from us but we are pretty worth seeing. (And you can always get a T-shirt!) During the show at Lit I broke a bottle of beer, picked up part of the glass and cut my chest with it. I don’t enjoy pain and I have never cut myself before, but the ghosts of GG Allin and Darby Crash took hold. Who fucking knows what I will do for the next show…

When it comes to having a band the best thing about being a photographer is that you have a lot of photographer friends. Two of my favorite photographers (both in quality of work and quality of people) brought their cameras to our recent show at Lit Lounge.

Steve Prue is a commercial photographer who also happens to shoot a lot of naked girls. He and I have shot so many of the same girls it’s not even funny. His portrait work is a lot better than mine, but he likes my event work better than his so we are somehow even. Great dude and great photographer. He dragged the hell out of his shutter and tried to get the hell out of my way and got some wild pictures from my show.

Tod Seelie is a guy that you never need to worry about him getting the hell out of the way. Tod has shot some of the craziest bands and events I have ever seen and does it better than anyone. For a guy who shoots mostly 20 something white people he puts himself in a lot of danger to get the shot. If you crossed a party photographer with a war photographer you would get Tod. I was an honor to have him shoot my band and post it on his website with all the other insane bands he shoots.

Tod’s best of shots can be found here and the entire gallery of images can be found over here. As far as Steve’s shots go I posted my favorites below and the rest you can find on the Fucking Bullshit Facebook page.

Thanks a lot to both of the guys and make sure to check out my favorite shots and a video of our “encore” below – Body Count’s legendary track “Cop Killer”.

Ps. Fucking Bullshit is playing again THIS SUNDAY at LuLu’s in Greenpoint. I don’t have the details but Like us on Facebook and you will be in the know!

I have so many random band photos and things to get up over the next week or two but I am in Chicago and I haven’t slept more than four hours since last Wednesday. Before I get to any band photos I need to take a minute to promote some super important madness happening very soon. This Thursday, November 10th my punk cover band Fucking Bullshit is playing Lit Lounge at 11pm. My homie Rudy’s band Filthy Savage is playing at 10 before us and the party NC-17 is happening right after it so you can come early and stay late. The show is $6 which while not a lot of money is still too much for most of you assholes but I promise to at least try to make myself bleed on stage. It will be our first show in like two months so I am pretty pumped and we have three new songs including Cop Killer by Body Count. Get excited.

In celebration of this show I have created a new video teaching everyone how to make the bands sinature coctail, a “Fucking Bullshit”. It involves three shots of rum, two 5 Hour Energy drinks and twenty minutes after you take it you feel like God. I will be drinking one of these a half hour before we play at Lit so come and see what happens. Also we will have our new amazing t-shirts for sale which I will be hopefully unveiling this week.

Over a year ago one of my best friends Ross Harman took his own life. I managed his band The Gaskets for five years and when he died I decided I had to play manager one more time. I reached out to many of his musician friends and got them to cover songs of his for a tribute album. A year later we had created a tribute album featuring 15 bands and 18 songs.

We were going to just put the album out digitally but the album was so good that we knew we had to do something more permanent so we decided we would try to raise money to put it out on vinyl. We held a fundraiser for him in Richmond, VA and raised over $4000. We raised so much money that now we are trying to raise money to release his solo albums, Calcutta and Symphony, as well.

So we started a Kickstarter fund to raise $2000 of the $5000 or so we needed to really do these albums right.  I put it up late last night and just posted it to Facebook and Twitter and went to sleep. When I woke up we had raised $800 already. It has really been amazing. I sort of feel like we are going to hit our goal of $2000 by the end of the weekend or something crazy like that but I want to keep going and see if we can raise the full $5000.  We could really make something special.

Anyway, I know most of you don’t know who my friend Ross was but he was really an amazing musician. All his music, solo or with The Gaskets, is available for free at TheGaskets.com. Check it out and think about donating to this project.  Plus for those of you who are into my photography you have a chance to get prints of mine on the cheap. There is a bunch of other stuff you can get too. Kill Shop Kill donated some T-shirts and Revolve-CD donated some CDRs for those of you who don’t have a record player.  For just $5 you can get the digital download.  And every dollar counts.

So click here do donate to the Ross Harman tribute album Kickstarter! Thanks!

My punk cover band Fucking Bullshit is playing at Lit Lounge on 2nd Ave tomorrow (Thursday Sept 1st) at 11pm right before the dance party NC-17.  I feel pretty comfortable promoting the show after our last one went so well but we have only practiced twice since then so who know what will happen. I can promise you this… if you give a shit about punk rock from the early 80′s you will have a blast.  You will also get to see me drink which is a rare delight and I will fall over a lot and try to hurt the audience. At the very least it will be something to see. If you wan’t to know more about the band, see the songs we cover and watch some live footage you should check out the new half assed Fucking Bullshit website.

Now I have been bugging people about this show via Facebook and shit and I don’t really think I need to be blasting this shit to everyone on my website considering most of you don’t live in NYC and are just here for tits or juggalos or something else but last night I made a video promoting the show that I want you to see.

Fucking Bullshit is a cover band, so if we are going to make a commercial for a show we might as well cover a commercial. In the early 80′s Black Flag used to run radio commercials in LA for their shows and they compiled 17 minutes of these into one track called Crass Commercialism on their album Everything Went Black. We went ahead and covered the first commercial on the track mostly because it was the only one on YouTube.  Check it out.

So now that we decided on a commercial to rip off the next step was for our bassist Brian Grosz, a professional voice artist, to record a parody of the commercial.  He sent it to me yesterday afternoon and the only move from there was to obviously shave my head.  I decided the punk rock thing for me to do was to shave my head for the show and I thought it would make a good visual to go along with the audio Brian recorded. My roommate recorded me doing it in the mirror which sort of references the Black Flag album cover for Damaged which coincidentally is the background music to the commercial. And then I spent way too long trying to edit it together into this video flyer.

So watch this shit and then watch us perform another Black Flag song and then finally go to the show tomorrow night. 11PM at Lit. Oh, and it costs $6 which is probably too much for you elitist hipster vip fucks to pay… Fuck off and die, Oi!, etc.

I recently started a punk rock cover band called Fucking Bullshit with a few friends. I have probably mentioned it on here and I know I have mentioned them on Twitter & Tumblr but I haven’t talked about the band too much because most of my readers do not give a fuck about my shitty punk band. That being said, it’s time for a Fucking Bullshit update.

When I turned 30 I realized I was really fucking old and I had never been in a band before. I was in this fake band in high school but we never actually played any shows which was probably for the best. I think we only had five songs anyway. But the reason I have never been in a band is because I have no musical talent. Not only can I not play an instrument but I am a uniquely terrible singer. I cannot hit notes and my timing is more than terrible. I figured the only way I could possibly be in a band would be to start a punk band.

I listened to exclusively punk from the day Kurt Cobain died until I was went to college that completely lacked a punk scene. Punk is pretty much made me the person I am today. I continued to listen to punk over the following decade but it wasn’t until the last couple years that I started really getting back into it.

Anyway it took me over a year to put a band together but I found my self a guitarist who is playing bass, a guitarist who is playing drums and another guitarist who is playing guitar. Our drummer played drums for a band on the record label that I started when I was 15 but he hasn’t played drums in 15 years. Our bassist is a guy I met online 10 years ago who is currently a voice over artist.  And our guitarist is a pretty legit punk dude who is an animator for Metalocolypse. He is also the youngest member of the band at 28.  We are a bunch of over the hill washed up punk rockers.

So we started a cover band.  No one over the age of 20 should be writing punk lyrics. We just don’t have that angst anymore.  I don’t think anyone wants to hear songs about freelance clients not paying on time or about lack of affordable health care. So we started pulling our favorite 80′s punk and hardcore tunes. We tossed in a few GG Alin tracks and suddenly we had a 14 song set set.

We played our first show at Hank’s Saloon in Park Slope on Thursday night.  The place was packed and I got drunk which I almost never do. The show went way better than I thought it would and everyone there had a pretty great time. All my friends seemed maybe a little too impressed that I could make for a decent front man. But hey, I knew I could fuck shit up… I just didn’t know if I could manage to sing at the right parts… Turns out I can’t really do that, but the fucking shit up makes up for it.

Anyway, thanks to a man named Jay Fingers we have actual video proof of the show and I figured I would post a few of my favorite videos. I hope you watch at least one of them, I think they are a lot of fun and at the very least the S.O.A video is hilariously sexist. We will be having more shows soon, you can like Fucking Bullshit on Facebook for details. I hop all the washed up 30 year old punk rockers like us come out for our next show…

One of the weirder things things that has happened in my life is a video I made talking about a method I used for cheating when I was in high school that got over 500,000 views on YouTube and got me interviewed on Good Morning America and Japanese TV. It was also played on Bill O’Reilly and I turned down an appearance on Dr. Phil. Seriously. I made the video to participate in an online discussion of cheating methods. I had no idea that anyone would ever see it.

Ever since then I have become sort of hero to small children everywhere. Not a day goes by where some middle school delinquent calls me a genius via YouTube comment.  It weirded me out at first but now I just think it’s funny. But I feel slightly responsible to these kids who message me every day asking for new videos so yesterday after drinking several 5-Hour Energy drinks I decided to make a video telling kids to eat terrible food all the time.

I am on this terrible diet right now of nothing but like fruits and vegetables and the occasional bit of nuts or meat for protein. I am actually getting used to it, but I kinda feel like an asshole eating raw spinach instead of candy and hamburgers like normal.  You see for my entire adult life I have eaten nothing but terrible food. I once nearly ate a 5lb hamburger. I mean seriously, my role models are competitive eaters.  But just in the last year or two that shit has been catching up to me.  I realized that I weighed nearly 40 lbs more than I did in high school and I sort of flipped out.  I have dropped more than 15 lbs since I started the diet and I have started gaining muscle again and everything is going great, but it got me thinking.

Stop telling kids not to eat McDonalds.  That shit tastes good when you are 10 and you can just worry about getting healthy when it’s old enough to matter. Feed kids candy and milkshakes all the time and as long as they can fit in their desks at school I am sure they can worry about it later.  They play sports and have good metabolisms, they should enjoy eating like gluttonous pigs.  So I decided to make this video championing my cause. I hope you enjoy it and then go out and feed a small child something made out of meat and or corn syrup…. Or hopefully both! Corn dogs all around…

Here comes the newest installment of All My Friends Are In Bands where I bring you semi regular updates of my friends bands amazing music videos.  Today we have some good ones including one video that I am actually in.  I feel like I should be in all of my friends music videos but clearly they have no idea what they are doing so for whatever reason I don’t end up in all of them. Weird.

Luckily some people are smart enough to realize talent when they see it. Loli Lux is one of those people. She got a two for one deal when she asked me to come hang out at her video shoot.  Not only did I take amazing behind the scenes photos but she got the pure talent that is “Igor” in front of the lens as well.  If you look carefully you can see me lurching around in there taking pictures awkwardly.  It will bestill your heart.  Seriously though, this is the first video from Loli Lux and it is pretty bad ass. She got all of her weird and sexy looking friends, put them in a bar and just started shooting. It was a good time and it ended up being a good video for a good song. Watch that shit.

Next up we have our boys the motherfucking Death Set. I know you guys saw the pictures I took of them with hot tattooed naked girls recently and I am sure you know they have this new album coming out.  Well they just released the first single off that album called “Slap Slap Slap Pound Up Down Snap” and they have a pretty fucking awesome video for it.  This video is so good that they had to release another video just to hype it up. Clearly you need to watch it.

So these updates always come with three videos for some reason and I didn’t have a third video this week.  I solved that problem by uploading this old video of me icing Prince Terrence while Hussle Club was on stage at the Knitting Factory.  Remember when Icing people was so funny? Giving people Smirnoff Ice was like a sport for about a week. If you got one you had to bend down on one knee and rink it.  It was pretty funny for a second and then everyone got over it. Probably for good reason.  I shot this at the very tail end of the Icing craze and by the time I took it off my camera no one cared anymore. I haven’t even looked at this video since. I probably should have edited it or something but I don’t actually give a fuck so enjoy it the way it is. Just skip to the 30 second mark if you are impatient. I gotta go shoot naked girls and hang out in the sun in LA now. Have a nice weekend.