Happy Valentine’s Day! I couldn’t get you guys all candy and roses so I did you one better. I got you a naked girl in a heart shaped hot tub covered in 100 cheeseburgers!
I met Amy Rose a few years ago but we sort of lost touch for a while. But a few months ago we ran into each other on the subway and we had about a four stop conversation. During that quick talk she managed to convince me that it would be a good idea to shoot her naked in a hot tub covered in cheeseburgers. I mean let’s be reasonable, she didn’t have to try that hard. I started looking for motels with hot tubs that we could shoot in and couldn’t find anything local. Fortunately I knew just the man to ask. Bob Coulter has made a career of shooting in the creepiest motels around and he instantly provided me a couple of locations. He directed me to an hourly rate motel just outside of the city in New Jersey. He told me it was cheap and they had amazing heart shaped tubs, but he warned that since the hot tubs were surrounded by mirror it would be hard to get out of the shot. I figured I would take my chances.
I borrowed a car and picked up Amy Rose from Greenpoint and we were off on what turned into an all day adventure. Despite being less than 15 miles away it took us hours to get through the awful city traffic and get to the motel. Fortunately our mutual love of Hall and Oates kept us sane in the bumper to bumper car ride. When we finally got there we checked in with a man standing behind bullet proof glass. He gave us the keys to a room and offered us a remote control but he couldn’t find the batteries so we were out of luck. When we got into the room it was freezing cold and their was bird shit absolutely everywhere but we couldn’t find the bird. The guy at the front desk told us the maids leave the door open to air out the smell of the rooms and sometimes birds get into them. Make’s sense to me. Luckily he had another room… It was still horribly lit and freezing but, now all we needed were burgers!
The phone call Amy made to a local McDonald’s was hilarious and I only heard her end of the conversation. I can’t imagine what the woman on the other line was saying. Amy had to leave her credit card info because they thought we were pranking them. 30 minutes later we were in McDonald’s and they were handing us bag after bag of cheeseburgers. (On a related note did you know that hamburgers and cheeseburgers cost exactly the same?) I almost vomited from the smell in the car ride back to the hotel but we had burgers! We dumped them into the hot tub and were pretty disappointed to see how few cheeseburgers 100 cheeseburgers is, but we would march on!
I made a huge mistake at some point and my leg hit the faucet just enough to let a small trickle of water into the tub for only a second. That little bit of water was enough to turn the burgers into complete mush by the end of the shoot. I had to take off my shoes and socks to get into the tub to shoot and I could feel burger meat between my toes. It was fucking horrifying. Amy on the other hand seemed to be having a blast. We left the room a few hours after we arrived. Burger guts were EVERYWHERE. I tried to wash out the hot tub but I only made it worse. Grease and cheese were all over the mirrors. We left the maids with a truly horrible scene to deal with. Fortunately for me I am a god damned saint and I left them this.
After our hamburger Jersey adventure we both happened to be going to the same party so we headed over to a bar in Brooklyn and ended up doing Hall and Oates karaoke to end the night. It was a truly magical day. Happy Valentine’s Day!
PS. These pictures are a little less naked than normal. Amy wanted to keep her nipples covered in order to keep her job. I don’t know how that makes sense, but this is the world we live in. Free nipples now!