One of the weirder things things that has happened in my life is a video I made talking about a method I used for cheating when I was in high school that got over 500,000 views on YouTube and got me interviewed on Good Morning America and Japanese TV. It was also played on Bill O’Reilly and I turned down an appearance on Dr. Phil. Seriously. I made the video to participate in an online discussion of cheating methods. I had no idea that anyone would ever see it.

Ever since then I have become sort of hero to small children everywhere. Not a day goes by where some middle school delinquent calls me a genius via YouTube comment.  It weirded me out at first but now I just think it’s funny. But I feel slightly responsible to these kids who message me every day asking for new videos so yesterday after drinking several 5-Hour Energy drinks I decided to make a video telling kids to eat terrible food all the time.

I am on this terrible diet right now of nothing but like fruits and vegetables and the occasional bit of nuts or meat for protein. I am actually getting used to it, but I kinda feel like an asshole eating raw spinach instead of candy and hamburgers like normal.  You see for my entire adult life I have eaten nothing but terrible food. I once nearly ate a 5lb hamburger. I mean seriously, my role models are competitive eaters.  But just in the last year or two that shit has been catching up to me.  I realized that I weighed nearly 40 lbs more than I did in high school and I sort of flipped out.  I have dropped more than 15 lbs since I started the diet and I have started gaining muscle again and everything is going great, but it got me thinking.

Stop telling kids not to eat McDonalds.  That shit tastes good when you are 10 and you can just worry about getting healthy when it’s old enough to matter. Feed kids candy and milkshakes all the time and as long as they can fit in their desks at school I am sure they can worry about it later.  They play sports and have good metabolisms, they should enjoy eating like gluttonous pigs.  So I decided to make this video championing my cause. I hope you enjoy it and then go out and feed a small child something made out of meat and or corn syrup…. Or hopefully both! Corn dogs all around…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoCZvJpnN00[/youtube]

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