There are two things I know about fans of Driven By Boredom; You guys hate it when I talk about sports and love it when I post photos of naked girls. I think I have finally figured out a way to use your love of boobs to get you to care at least a little about my sports related blogging. And it’s for charity! It’s so rare these to find a way to make nudity tax deductible…
As you may know I am a huge fan of the Washington Capitals hockey team. The Caps finished their regular season schedule yesterday and they are getting ready to face my local team the New York Rangers in the first round of the playoffs. The Caps are the top seed in the East but they are playing the Rangers that kicked the shit out of them twice this year. Living in NYC I can’t stand the fucking Rangers and I am pretty worried about the match up so I have decided to grow a playoff beard for charity.
In the NHL it is tradition for hockey players to refuse to shave during the playoffs as a matter of superstition. In the last few years the NHL has used this tradition to raise money for charity and I think it’s a really great idea. Personally I love growing really stupid facial hair so this is a perfect excuse not to have to shave for a while. The playoffs in the NHL last several months so if the Caps play as well as they are capable I could be looking pretty awful for quite some time!
So if I am going to be growing this beard there needs to be a good reason for it and that’s where you guys come in. I need you to sponsor my beard! I am trying to raise a bunch of money for the Friends of the Fort Dupont Ice Arena a charity offering free or subsidized skating programs to children. The Fort Dupont Ice Arena is the only skating rink in the DC area and it gives inner city kids a chance to enjoy skating which is something I loved growing up and took for granted as a kid with parents who could afford to take him skating all the time. I am asking you guys to sponsor my beard and help these kids get to skate! Now I know a lot of you don’t care about hockey or the Fort Dupont Ice Arena so that’s where the boobs come in!
When I think of beards the first person I think of is Kari Ferrell the Hipster Grifter. To give you a little refresher on the Hipster Grifter she was a girl who made headlines in NYC after she got caught scamming a bunch of Williamsburg hipsters out of money but seducing them and then convincing them to give her money through a variety of cons including a story about how she was dying of cancer. What made her more interesting than your standard con artist was that she is hilarious. When the story broke all these people came through with hilarious stories about her including pictures of her now famous tattoo proclaiming her love for beards. I first heard of Kari when a friend sent me nudes of her. I thought they would be all over the place so I posted them on my site. Oddly, I was the only person who had them and the nudes generated my site hundreds of thousands of hits. After Kari did her time in jail she came back to NYC and we actually became friends. She is clearly a little bit insane but she seems to be pretty reformed, is holding down a real job and is a really fun girl to hang out with so I asked her to help support my beard fundraiser!
Anyone who sponsors my beard with $25 or more will get a personalized photo of a topless Hipster Grifter holding some sort of sign about you which she will make hilarious obviously. If you want her to make it for your website or your band or your company you can do that too. Think of the promotional value! She will even make the fan sign safe for work if you want to put it on your Facebook page or something. The possibilities are endless really. And all this can be had for just a TAX DEDUCTABLE $25 donation to a great charity! And if you donate a lot of money like $100 I am sure we can get her to do something super weird like come over to your apartment and rub exotic oils into your beard. She didn’t agree to that but she does love her some beards.
So check out my personal donation page and sponsor my beard! You can pay with Pay Pal or a credit card. If you want a fan sign just email me your donation receipt and let me know what you want the sign to say. If you don’t want a fan sign you can just do the right thing and support my beard!
Oh, and I’ll be updating my picture after every game so you can come back to my page and check out how embarrassing it is that a 30 year old man can barely grow facial hair! Good times! Go Caps!