Ross Harman Rest In Peace

From 2003 to 2008 I managed a band called The Gaskets. They were my entire life during that time period and the two members, Teddy Blanks and Ross Harman, became my closest friends. The Gaskets were one of the best live acts I had ever seen and are one of my favorite bands of all time. The two members had been friends since they were kids and had an amazing chemistry and made amazing music together. They were very different people but worked very well together. I know the Gaskets would have been a hugely successful band if not for Ross’ troubles with depression and alcohol.

On Monday morning was found dead on his roof after taking a bottle of pills in order to end his own life.

Many times in my life I have said that I hated Ross and I probably did. He caused me more pain that pretty much anyone I have ever met. But one thing I have found in life is that the only people who can hurt you like that are the people you love the most. The last two fist fights I have had were both with Ross andI have screamed and yelled at that kid more times than I can count, but I fucking loved that kid and I am just so glad that he and I were back on good terms after several months of not speaking to each other.

I have tried several times to write this post but I haven’t been able to do it. Every time I try I just start to cry. Even now tears are rolling down my cheeks. It’s so much easier to think of all the bullshit he and I went through than to think of the good times because whenever I think about the Ross I loved it makes my chest seize up. I have had a lot of friends die in my life but no one anywhere near as close to me as Ross and I don’t know how to deal with it. Even before Ross died I couldn’t listen to some of his old music without getting tears in my eyes thinking about the kid I knew before the drinking really took hold of his life.

Ross was a brilliant musician but he was also just an amazing guy. He was so fucking charming and when he was on point everyone loved him. I think that is why it was so hard for everyone to deal with the other Ross. He was so fucking smart and knew as much about music and film as anyone I have ever met. He was funny and so much fucking fun. Probably too fun. When Ross was happy everything was a party and no one ever wanted to stop partying with him.  And when people started to worry about him he could always find a whole new group of people who were ready to party with him.

I haven’t really been a big part of his life the last two years but I thought he seemed a lot better. When I would talk to him he actually seemed happy and had been working the same job for years. He had a lot of people around him that loved him. But I knew he would never really be happy. He had too many demons in him and I know there is nothing anyone could have done to help him. I know, because Teddy and I tried fucking everything.

Right befoe Ross died he sent Teddy a text message telling him he loved him and I know Ross loved me too and I really hope he knows I loved him. Of all my friends Ross is one person I know would have always had my back and even if I couldn’t count on him for a lof of things I know he would be there for me if I really needed him. I just wish I could have been there more for him in the last few years.

I have so much more to say about Ross but I gotta stop crying. I haven’t cried like this in probably five years, the last time I though Ross killed himself. He managed to pull through that time but I guess it was just a matter of time before he finally followed through.

I am going to end this now with one of the last photos I took of Ross, a music video Ross directed and my favorite one of Ross’ solo songs. The video is for a Gaskets song called Left Hand. Teddy wrote it about Ross, their friendship and Ross’ drinking problem. Ross was really upset at first when Teddy wrote the song but grew to love it. Ross was an amazing painter and created this video completely himself by hand. My little brother put the video together, but everything else was all Ross.  The song I am posting is called Nine Times Out Of Ten. It is not only my favorite song by him but so appropriate. It’s about his drinking problems and even though it is written to a girl, I think it is a little bit of an apology to his friends for what he put us all through.  At the end he asks us to celebrate with him. And I guess from here on out I will try to celebrate with Ross and celebrate the life of a kid that meant fucking everything to me. I will be posting more of his music soon so you can enjoy just a little bit of what I did in the 7 years I knew my friend Ross Harman.

I will miss you forever you fucking selfish asshole. I love you with everything I have.

Ross Harman – Nine Times Out Of Ten: Ross Harman – Nine Times Out Of Ten

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Comments (24)

Comments

  1. kim burke
    September 8th, 2010 | 10:11 am

    thanks for writing this, i keep having the same breakdowns, i hope you’re doing alright. god thats a good song

  2. September 8th, 2010 | 10:15 am

    I’m sure Ill be fine. In a few days I am going to reach out to a lot of my music blogger friends and try to get that song heard by as many people as possible. People need to hear Ross’ music.

  3. carley
    September 8th, 2010 | 10:42 am

    Thank you for posting this. It helps. And it is a great tribute to Ross.

  4. joof
    September 8th, 2010 | 12:23 pm

    can you post a link to download the song, or a way to repost it on twitter or facebook?

  5. Roberto Curtis
    September 8th, 2010 | 12:57 pm

    Thanks man. This is a fantastic post and looks like it took a lot of strength to write. Keep it up. Kim, I hope you feel better too.

  6. Samantha
    September 8th, 2010 | 1:24 pm

    I was friends with Ross mostly in 2006 & 2007, and what a guy he was. Nine Times out of Ten is my favorite song he’s ever done. I heard it the first time when the Rabbits would play it. Bugged the crap out of him until he sent it to me. He was such a charmer. He told me constantly that I was going to fall in love with him. I never did, but I wish I could tell him now what he did mean to me. I just hope he’s somewhere good – safe and happy and free.

  7. leah.
    September 8th, 2010 | 1:34 pm

    still can’t believe it. thanks for posting this. that song has been on my ipod for a few years now, and i love it. i’ll love it for a different reason now.

  8. September 8th, 2010 | 2:07 pm

    Thanks guys. And Joof, if you go to thegaskets.com you can download the whole album. Ill be posting about it soon.

  9. September 8th, 2010 | 4:22 pm

    how absolutely horrible. thank you for sharing your feelings and perspective. ross was a total sweetheart and oh-so-talented. my sister and i loved/love you guys and I’m happy to have known him.

  10. Stasia
    September 8th, 2010 | 6:38 pm

    Thanks for having the courage to write this incredibly honest article. Ross was an amazing, loving and talented guy.

  11. chris smith
    September 8th, 2010 | 6:43 pm

    thanks for writing this igor. i couldnt have put it better.

  12. September 8th, 2010 | 9:08 pm

    [...] Driven by Boredom has a beautiful post on Ross written by the Gaskets’ former manager. After reading this, I wish I had known him. [...]

  13. Johanna
    September 8th, 2010 | 11:53 pm

    In the five years that I have known you I have never read anything so sincere and touching; it is incredibly clear how much Ross meant to you and everyone else close to him. And, well, everyone else as well — I don’t know if we ever spoke more than a few sentences to each other, and even I felt that brightness that you describe coming from him. Thank you for writing this; Ross will clearly be missed.

  14. Margo
    September 9th, 2010 | 10:14 am

    Igor, it was really nice to read that post and to watch that video. What a good song! God we had some good times. The Gaskets shows were some of the most fun nights I’ve ever had in Richmond. I miss those days. I miss my old buddies. But at least we will always have the awesome memories. Rest in Peace Ross.

  15. September 9th, 2010 | 2:15 pm

    [...] friend Igor, who managed The Gaskets for many years, has shared his thoughts on losing Ross here. Tags: richmond, ross harman, the [...]

  16. Carrie
    September 10th, 2010 | 7:31 am

    Thank you for your honesty and your love, Igor. You put words to a lot of things that seem so impossible to put words to. How can I hate him so much for leaving us, for leaving Teddy, for all that he put everyone who loved him through, but at the same time love him so much I can’t go a day without hearing his stupid giggle and wishing he’d come back from Canada already, cigarette and beer in hand? I’m glad none of us are alone in missing him. I hope he knows, finally, just how loved he is.

    And I can only hope that on the other side, he’s finally whole, you know?

    <3

  17. Cindy
    September 10th, 2010 | 9:33 am

    Igor….I share your pain. Ross will always be my “other son”. I only wish our love could have saved him. God knows there were so many people that were touched by Ross…not only his unbelievable talent but even more so that oh so lovable way he had about him. I too, can only hope that he is peaceful now and the demons that chased him most of his life are no more.

  18. Emily
    September 10th, 2010 | 10:01 am

    thanks for writing this. I share many of your feelings.. Ross was very important to me. It is easier to remember all the bullshit. it’s devastating to remember all of the good times we shared.

  19. Tifa
    September 10th, 2010 | 1:23 pm

    Thanks for posting this, Igor.
    Chin up and stay strong. He will be missed.

  20. Nicole
    September 10th, 2010 | 11:25 pm

    This is insanely painful, I want you to know I appreciate you posting this. I want to share something with you and your readers. Ross, my husband (his friend for 8 years) and I all hung out Saturday to Sunday. We played Cranium and laughed at all the charade acting, he did an awesome cookie monster impression. We went to Kings Dominion and he talked to me about the last time he was there with The Gaskets and Weird Al. We laughed, shared thoughts on the general population and got sick on some nasty cheap pizza. I keep thinking over and over if I could have sensed something, it wouldn’t have happened but I am starting to realize nothing, fuck, nothing would have stopped him. You are right, Ross was troubled and I don’t like thinking of how deeply lonely he might have been. I am here for you, even though I don’t know you. Ross made a deep impact on my life and has left an even greater hole. I will fucking miss him so much.

  21. September 11th, 2010 | 3:42 pm

    Thank you guys all again for your kind words. It’s really great to know how many people loved Ross.

  22. velena
    September 19th, 2010 | 2:05 pm

    Igor so well written I’m so sorry to hear the news about Ross.I’m so glad you wrote such a beautiful note to him and his fans. I have such fond memories of the gaskets at sxsw and at the 40 watt club. True raw Talent! Much Love and sadness today Velena

  23. Rob Martin
    October 14th, 2010 | 1:06 am

    I just found out today when one of the Expatriots came by my restaurant to eat and told me about Ross. Just happen to be 2 people that met yrs. ago crossed paths again. We talked about those 2 kids that use to rock Matts Pub at the open mic. Ya know I didn’t really know either kid as a friend but as a fan, and goddamn did they make a old guy want to be a kid again. What a great time. I remember when big fun came out. I bought 10 copies and gave to a bunch of friends. What a kick in the gut when I found out about Ross. Well the patriot fellow had an extra DVD in his car that was passed out at the funeral, and he was nice enough to give me the copy while saying I knew there was a reason I got 2. What Karma. Tonight Im watching it while writing this, and feel like the luckiest person in the world to have it. Ross if your reading this, thanks for the good times my friend you will be missed, and to all his friends stay safe and enjoy the memories you have of Ross.

    Rob Martin and Tracey Mustain and the employees of Rascals Pizza

  24. Jessica
    November 3rd, 2011 | 11:09 pm

    I grew up with Ross. I remember we went to an Incubus concert once and I brought the guitarist “home”. He was so proud of me! I wish I would have known- I loved that kid. He had the heart of a lion but the soul of a lovebug. I will forever miss him. Thank you for doing this for him. It would have meant alot.

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