The Jump

I am on day two of my forced photoblogging vacation.  However, I am taking vacation to my vacation to shoot a party I agreed to before I had to take a vacation.  It is called the Jump.  It is at Rebel.  You should RSVP and hang out with me as it is your only chance to get your photo taken this week.  Plus the photos will probably end up on the Village Voice too… but no promises.   See you out.

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Giraffeman!

I dreamed over and over again that when Giraffe’s were born they were almost humans and then as they got older their necks get longer and they slowly become giraffes.  But when they are first born you can teach them english and hang out with them and stuff.  In the dream I knew this was not the case and I kept waking up realizing that this was not true, but then I would go back to sleep and people would assure me that this was true and kept introducing me to giraffemen who I would talk to.  Once they became giraffes they lost the ability to speak.  After broing down with one of these giraffes it made me not want to kill animals for food, which I was really pissed off about because of how much I like meat.  Luckily when I woke up, it was early in the morning and McDonalds was still serving breakfast so I got acouple bacon egg and cheese biscuits and a sausage McGriddle and everything was okay.

So here is actual proof that when giraffe’s are born they don’t look like people.  They mostly just look like a mixture of baby Alien’s mixed with regular giraffes.  Still, pretty spooky.

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BYTE – 7.13.08

I was waiting for the Voice to get these up before I put them up.  Well here they are.

There was a Batman theme called “Dark Nyte” which I thought was cute.  I met a girl that I took naked photos of in Vegas, but she kept her clothes on this night.  One girl that I did not even say a word to me flashed me, so NSFW.  I hope that girl from Vegas hangs out again, she’s super cute.  Anyway, this party was a week ago and I sort of forget what went on.  But I just saw that the Voice put these photos up so I figured I would do this update before I fell asleep.  I am now on sleeping pills and fading fast, so with that in mind:

Your BYTE photos go here.

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Lazy Sunday: Funny Cats!

After my spell of exhaustion or whatever, I spent most of today asleep. This was not the plan, I had things to do. But I didn’t get out of my house until 5PM and then I was up until 8 and I took a nap and woke up at 1130PM. So, now I am pretty sure I will be up all night, but at least I will be able to get some shit done. Anyway, I start my week break from partying and girls and any sort of social life today. I will be spending every night, save Wednesday, working on getting my life together. Working on my Polaroid book, cleaning my apartment, working on the next version of this website, getting a portfolio together etc. I need to get some regular photo work so I can quit my day job. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know. Anyway, I would NEVER post something like what I am about to post, but it has to be done. I am allergic to cats and I have never been a fan of such things as this, but it just has to be done. This is the best funny cats video I have ever seen, so rejoice in its cuteness. Embrace the fluff. I love you all.

PS. I will be updating this site, just not with party photos, except the BYTE photos from last week that will be up tomorrow. Sorry for the delay.

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High Voltage – 7.16.08

Wednesday nights are my most exhausting of the week for some reason. I just seem to be dead every week. I realized I had not shot High Voltage in almost a month, and next week I am shooting the Jump so I will miss it again, so I had to be at this one despite the fact that I was falling asleep at work. I got there reasonably on time and showed off the “Half-Stache” and said hellos to everyone. Then I left early because I wanted to get home at a reasonable hour. I got a quick bite to eat with my friend Sam, and some how that turned into like two hours, which then turned into me picking up my high-on-mushrooms friend and being forced to stay up for 57 out of 60 hours. SO MUCH FUN!

Anyway, these photos I thought sucked, but there are a few in here I did enjoy. If you don’t believe me, see for yourself here. You bastards.

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Six Six Sick – 7.15.08

I had a bunch of stuff to do, but I ran over to Happy Endings to shoot DJ Krames for a publicity shot for XLR8R magazine. My plan was to shoot him before he went on, and then get a few shots of him DJing and then go home, but I got there late and he was just going on. So I shot him DJing and then had to hang out for an hour while he spun and dried off before we could shoot the set. I didn’t end up getting home until almost 5am. Anyway, these are the shots in between our two shoots and a few at the very end of the night. Not too many, but what can you do, I was busy.

Sorry these photos are so late, but if you click right here you can see them in their vibrant glory.

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Meet The Half-Stache

As the trendsetter/ early adapter that I am I have to let you guys know that the newest trend to hit the streets is the “Half-Stache”. The raw power of this ‘stache is so intense that not once but twice yesterday did beautiful women interrupt my fried chicken dinner to discuss my brilliant and brave facial hair choice with me last night. I am so sure of this new trends amazing power that I will make this promise. Anyone who rocks a respectable Half-Stache for 7 full days and sends me some sort of photographic proof, I will send you a DBB t-shirt whenever I get around to finally getting them printed. It will be sweet. I am not sure what the over/under is for how long I keep this, but please, but amongst yourselves.

Second small thing of note, although much less important, you may have come here looking for some photos from Byte on Sunday, Happy Endings on Tuesday or High Voltage last night and you have found nothing. This is because I am suffering from what might be known as exhaustion. I wake up at 1pm everyday, leave work at 2, get home from work at midnight, go out and shoot, get home at 5, work on this website until 8am and then start over. This is killing me. I did not get any sleep last night due to a friend taking mushrooms and not being able to make it home due to the fact that she thought she was in Tokyo and that all the taxi cabs had become alligators. Long story short is that after this weekend I am taking a week break from party photos except for the Jump party that I agreed to shoot weeks ago (more on that later). The photos from the aforementioned parties will be up tomorrow or Saturday. See you then.

Long live the Half-Stache!

UPDATE: Read the comments section of this post for the Half-Stache controversy!

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Lauren LA

I totally forgot about these photos.  I have had them for like 3 weeks or something.  I met this girl at Happy Endings.  I was talking to her about how she lived in LA and how she has something to do with fashion or something.  I am not actually quite sure.  Anyway, her friend was like “she will get naked for you”.  And so we went to a bathroom, took some photos and then she called me from Cape Cod two days later drunk or something and was ranting about something.  I actually wanted to hang out with her more, but I had to deal with something and she disappeared.  She should come back.  We could take better photos.

Here are a few cute ones.  NSFW.

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Hair Metal Dress Up Party

Editors note: I am not sure how this became a 10,000 word essay on mundane details of a moderately eventful random night of my life, but yet it is what it is.  I am not sure it is in your best interest to read the whole thing, but there are some pretty funny photos at the bottom….  

The other night was completely out of hand.  Bars were closing and I had just driven into the city from Brooklyn where I had been shooting the Trashy Trashed party or whatever it was called.  I went to meet with a friend of mine at Max Fish.  While waiting in line to put my stickers in the bathroom she was making fun of this guy who always rides the mechanical horse.  She also happened to be sitting on said horse.  This is one of those horses you see outside of Supermarkets and ACME brand type Wallmart type stores and such places like that.  I feel like there are several of them outside of bodegas on Ave A.  Anyway, she is sitting on this horse so I put in a quarter when she was not looking.  Suddenly she goes from talking shit to smiling and seems to be enjoying said horse greatly.  I decided that I had to try it, but I was out of quarters so I sat on the tail.  And while the pain on this tail mashing itself into my coccyx was not exactly pleasant, I did come to the conclusion that riding one of these horses is far more satisfying that it looks.  This is a very important realization in my life.  I recommend it to everyone.

Moments later I was standing out front when a drunken man on a skateboard did a face plant into the concrete.  No one really knew what to do.  He was just laying on the ground motionless.  I thought he would be missing teeth or something.  People sort of tried to roll him over, and someone went inside to get help.  I was the closest person to him and I just sort of stood there.  There was this girl who I saw taking bad “street photography” photos outside the bar.  She at once started photographing him. Some other people took this as a cue to pull out their cameras.  Now while this is the sort of thing that I might normally find appealing to photograph, but realisticly I was actually more concerned for this man’s well being than I was taking photos.  When he stood up, I pulled out my camera to get a shot of his blood soaked face when I realized that he was just going to walk away without getting help.  I tried to explain to him that he had been unconscious for several minutes and he should just sit down.  He angrily informed me never to talk to him like that again.  His friends then came out, I told them what happened and left.  I think that if when he passed out there would have been missing teeth or a lot more blood I would have taken some shots, but really it just looked like he was drunk and passed out on the sidewalk.  Pretty boring photos probably, and I am not going to wallow in someone’s misery for mediocre shots.

After that I got in touch with my friend Jessica who was having a “Metal Party” at her house.  I asked who was there and she said “Oh, just Alexander and I.”  When I showed up, her friend Skipper was there too, and they were teasing their hair and applying more hair spray than should normally be sprayed in lifetime.  Jessica told me she was trying to look as much like Nikki Sixx as possible.  I found out she had just woken up and decided just to stay in and play dress up.  When I got there it was nearly 5AM and it was light outside by the time they finished getting ready.  Alexander was already dressed supremely metal, but then again, he pretty much dresses like that every day, although this night he was missing his normal top hat.  I wanted to fit in, so I shaved my awful facial hair into a Lemmy-eque handle bar mustache that I put mascara on so it would look less like a prepubescent pedophile working a taco stand.  Skipper decided to fill in my eyebrows too.  At some point they drew an upside down cross on my head, but it was about 175 degrees in Jessica’s apartment and it quickly sweated off.    We then took a lot of pictures.

The important thing to note about this is that we were listening to hair metal the entire time.  They had made a mix.  All these kids are like 5 years younger than me I think… at least Jess is, and it was strangely surprising to me that she had Great White on the play list and stuff.  Like, admittedly Hooked was one of my favorite albums in 1990, but I was 10 and Nirvana had not yet entered my consciousness yet… I am positive that Jess was not a big Great White fan in 1990, but you never know.  I just think it is weird that someone would ever come back to some of these ridiculous metal bands post-Nirvana and be pretty much obsessed with that music.  I mean I was obsessed with it, but I didn’t know any better.  All I listened to before I heard Smells Like Teen Spirt was rap and hair metal.  It was either that or New Kids On The Block, and at least I knew better than that.

Anyway, I knew every single lyric to every song they were playing that night and at one point I started randomly whistling the first few notes of “Wind Of Change” by the Scorpions and the second I finished the bar, that song shuffled on.  It was so insane.  Of the 200 songs on the playlist (which I had never heard) it was a pretty bewildering chance that song would be next (even if I had known it was on the list, which I didn’t).  I cannot possibly explain how amazing this was.  I was sort of flipping out about it all night.  No one else really cared, as I am sure you do not care about it now.  Still, it was one of the most amazing things that has happened to me this calendar year.

After we were done taking photos we decided to get food.  We all looked like lunatics, but I was quite okay with this.  Jessica was not.  She kept apologizing to everyone on the street for our weird looks.  Alex was mildly annoyed by this as he was dressed like he always dresses.  I just didn’t really see the point in acting a fool if you are going to apologize for it.  So as soon as I had ordered my clam chowder and key lime pie Jess decided we were going to a party in Brooklyn.  Keep in mind it is now 630AM.  So we had to get the food to go.  I did not want to take my soup to go, so I ate it as quickly as I could alternating bites of chowder with key lime pie, which was met with strange looks from everyone at the table (which now included a man named Paul). As soon as I finished stuffing the last bite of $6 pie into my mouth I was told that we were no longer going to the party and I could take my time eating.  Fuck. So we left the diner, which is not really a diner because they don’t serve milkshakes (despite having ice cream and milk on the menu, and a blender in full view of the bar).  Neither 7a (home of the $6 pie) nor Sidewalk have milkshakes making that entire block of A between 6th and 7th pretenders to the claim of diner.

Continuing on, before I returned home I tried to convince Jess, who had been topless several times in the last two hours, to let me take a picture of her flashing a small spanish speaking bodega employee who was sweeping up flower petals outside of a corner store.  She was too embarrassed to do it, but thought it would be a great idea to take a picture with him anyway.  I said forget it, but by that time she was already across the street putting her arm around him for a picture.  Right before I took it, I pulled off the bandana that she was wearing as a shirt down, exposing her to this small man, which caused pretty much everyone to fall on the ground laughing.  Everyone high fived me, and even Jess thought it was pretty funny.  I hope when I develop that roll it will be as funny as I think it will be.  A few minutes later I said good bye and walked back up the street towards that bodega, the man was still outside watering flowers with the biggest grin I have ever seen in my life still on his face.  I was glad I could lighten up his life if only for a little while… because after all, isn’t that what pornography is all about?

Let the metal gods bless you all.  Hail Satan.

Enjoy some of the pictures from the Hair Metal Dress Up Party.

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