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In a headline that only exists in movies, Russian model turned ninja bodyguard was killed in a car jacking. Honestly, I don’t even have to write anything about it, I can just quote from the CNN report.

Anna Loginova, a 29-year-old former successful model, ran a private security firm of female bodyguards, highly trained in martial arts, demanding high prices to protect Russian billionaires.

What? Are you fucking kidding me? This is like straight out of the movies… James Bond or something… or at the very least out of Adam West’s Batman. Look at this picture of her at a press conference protecting Russian Boxer Kosta Tszyu with a god damned Samurai Sword.

From another article:

“The glamorous 29-year-old died from head injuries after clinging on to the door handle of [her Porche Cayenne] and being dragged along the street at high speed as the car screeched away,” according to the Daily Mail.

Seriously this woman cannot exist in reality. They clearly need to make a movie about her ASAP. This car jacker could end up working for a large shadowy man who is always cryptically stroking a cat. The final quote is from Russian Maxim magazine about an earlier car jacking:

I stepped out of my car and closed the door when I suddenly saw a young man near me. He grabbed me by the arm in which I was holding the car keys. By reflex, I used a Jiu-Jitsu technique. I twisted his arm and hit him on the face with my elbow. The guy obviously was not expecting such a reaction. He fell down on the rear windshield, which gave me enough time to grab my gun.

In all seriousness, this person exists. And she is hot (see below). I can’t wait until I am a Russian billionaire and I can hire a ninja model bodyguard. Wtf?