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It is not often I fall in love with someone I have never met… I have been mildly obsessed with the Gods Girl Chelsea for a long time.  I don’t often blog about porn, but I did put a sexy video of her up once.  She came to NYC and she tried to pee in a bar and we took a Topless Polaroid of her outside the Hells Angels NYC headquarters.  It rules.  I thought she would hate me because I not only eat meat, but I sort of represent it to the fullest.  Her leather purse and piercing eyes put me at ease.  She is totally my type of chick.  And we both fall in fake love all the time and I have been in fake love with her for like a year, so here’s hoping she at least falls in fake lust with me while shes in town…  I did get her naked in a bathroom 20 min after meeting her, but I don’t think I can take that personally.  Anyway these pictures are clearly Not Safe For Work, but she is so hot that you might want to fwd the link around your office.  Not even your boss could turn down tits like these.  Sorry… I’m done.  Look at the photos already.  I’m smitten.

I wanted to get these out of the way.  The famous internet sensation at the time I did these things was based on the internet video about Zero Wing the old video game with some bad engrish.  To understand theses jokes at all you need to watch All Your Base Are Belong To Us.  Funnier and more relevant Family Circles in the future.

1. I downloaded Dookie by Greenday today thinking that it was going to be amazing again.  It was only okay.  I didn’t even remember any of the lyrics.  Total dissapointment.

2.  I am going to be drinking today for the first time in 7 months so look out.  I will be at the Don Hills XXX-travaganza.  Like I would possibly be anywhere else.  I am getting paid to take photos in drinks, which is a first.  I have also never photographed drunk.  Last time I drank I broke my point and shoot camera, god willing I will not break my actual camera today.  I hope to see you guys, I should be up all night.  Party forever.

3. I saw a dude unconscious on the ground last night.   It was sleeting last night and I was walking all over the city and just thinking about how happy I was in life and how happy I was to just be walking around the city despite the sleet.  I then walked around the corner and there is this guy in a pool of blood getting CPR done to him my a drunk girl.  He regained consciousness and sort of stumbled around.  The guy who hit him was just standing there talking shit.   This girl was crying and then the cops showed up so I left.  Unfortunately I did not have the balls to pull out my camera.

4. Last night I had a friend in town.  Last time she was in town she got all drunk and did all this coke and I just had to deal with her and it drove me fucking nuts.  So she was back in town and I told her she could stay at my house which meant I had to blow off plans with another friend.  They told me to meet them at Darkroom.  I waited around there for like an hour before they showed up and she was drunk as hell and falling over.  I asked her not to drink anymore but she went straight to the bar and ordered another and then proceeded to spill it all over her self and anyone with the misfortune of standing within five feet of her.  I went outside for a second and when I came back she was making out with someone in the corner so I went for my sleet walk as mentioned before.  When I got back she was gone.  Who knows where she stayed, but my plans were nicely ruined anyway.

5. I couldn’t sleep last night. Knowing I am going to get to drink today is like X-Mas morning.  I am totally excited and sort of scared that something horrible is going to happen like practically every other time I’ve had anything to drink.  I just took another sleeping pill and I am going to crash for another few hours so I can stay up all night tonight.

6. Here is a photo of me the last time I drank on my birthday.  I made out with 22 girls in a disaster of depravity and disorder.  It is a miracle that anyone survived.  See you tonight.  Keep in mind I am a friendly drunk… just a bit too friendly….

A Few Of My Favorite Things is a series that appears most weekends on Driven By Boredom. Each week I talk about three of my favorite things from a specific genre of film, music, or something else all together. Each favorite thing is accompanied by a video and a description of why it is one of my favorite things. Click here for more favorites.

Today I spent a while looking for my favorite commercial jingles for this post but I couldn’t find the old Autozone commercial or the National Tire Warehouse commercial so I decided to come up with something else. While searching I ran into a He-Man commercial and I thought to write up my favorite toys as a kid… but everyone knows about He-Man and Transformers and Thundercats and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, so I decided to talk about some of the more obscure toys that I played with. Unless you were born between 1977 and 1983 or had siblings who were you probably won’t have any idea what this stuff is… Keep reading to find out my favorites.

(Read the article)

A while ago when I was in Richmond I photographed my friends going away party.  They are Will Carsola and Dave Stewart other wise known as Day By Day.  They moved to LA to do sketch comedy.  Richmond Magazine was at the going away party writing a story about the guys.  They bought one of my photos and published it by itself on the page.  It was nice to see one of my photos that big in print.  I’ve shot a couple covers and had a two page spread in a illegitimate music magazine, but other than that this is the biggest print work I’ve done.  Click here to read the article and take a gander at a bad photo of the magazine on my couch below.

When I was in Richmond with the Gaskets I was bored as hell in the recording studio because they were just recording guitar tracks over and over again and my in put is not valued. I just sat there working on an animated GIF of my chicken tattoo dancing. I then put it to music and made a meme out of it on ytmnd.com. Check that shit out here.

I meant to be back in NYC 36 hours ago yet I just woke up and I am still in DC and I missed the DC2NY bus and now I have to figure out how I am going to pay for a train home which is going to be four times more expensive than the $22 bus.  I am hastily updating my website while I am getting my shit packed.  I have to figure out how I’m going to get my tuxedo home without wrinkling so I can wear it on New Years.  Speaking of New Years, I will be at the Rated X Vs. Trash Vs. Burning Angel throwdown at Don Hills.  It is going to be out of control and I am going to be out of control.  Other than my birthday it is the only day of the year I drink, and if you were at my birthday this year, you know how bad I am at drinking.  Something insane will happen I can promise that.  Let’s just hope I don’t break my camera.  Anyway, because I have not been back in NYC I haven’t really put together my guest list and I have to send it in tomorrow, so I may or may not have some spots left.  So if you are friends with me and want to go for free, get in contact with me and I will try to get you on the list.  For more information on the party, click here.

Speaking of New Years, on New Years Eve 1999-2000 we all thought the world was going to explode.  I was at two parties all night, my friends small hotel and drugs party and a bigger beer and more drugs party.  I was driving people back and forth as I was the only sober person we knew.  At the hotel party I wrassled my friend Dylan because he was very small, I was sort of in shape and we both were in to the WWF.  I had this clip sitting around a while but I didn’t really have any reason to post it, except in celebration of it’s 8th anniversary.  A few Halloweens ago I went as myself in 1999 and I wore these same ice camo cargo pants and way too tight he-man t-shirt. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.  All my friends were ravers and despite my hatred of house I still wore some dumb fucking clothes… now 8 years later all my friend listen to nu-rave and I still hate house music.  And now I am fucking wearing skinny jeans.  I hope 8 years from now I don’t hate my current self as much as I hated my 1999 self.  Enjoy the video.

Once again, my page is covered in naked girls.  Seriously, this is not a porn site.  I don’t mean for this to happen, I just lead a very weird life.  This time I had nothing to do with these girls getting naked.  They just bet each other they wouldn’t get topless in a bar.  The winner of the bet was you the viewer because you can see Rochelle and Xochielt naked again, only this time they have gone EVEN WILDER!  These photos feature Mike of Beauty Bar fame who was pouring liquor down their throats.  Last time I was hanging out with Mike I took crazy naked photos of girls making out too.  I need to hang out with him every day.  After freaking everyone at Beauty Bar out we went back to his house and the girls got into some wrestling match turned fist fight turned everyone yelling at each other and disaster…. but it was fun while it lasted.

The bright side is that everyone thinks these photos are very funny.  Assuredly Not Safe For Work.

I was in Richmond, VA for the last two days because the band I manage, the Gaskets, were in the studio.  We recorded half their last album at Sound Of Music Studios and I think most of this new album is going to be done there… then again we are pretty much out of money now, so I am not really sure how that is going to happen.  We got the drums, synth, vocals and guitar done on four songs and vocals, drums and synth done on a fifth.  We still need bass and backing vocals on everything, plus a lot of piano and possibly some beat production stuff.  And then of course… we have to write and record a second half to the album, although I think they have three other songs that are pretty close to ready to record.

Anyway, I took a few pictures while I was there… nothing exciting, but a few shots.  I even got a photo of the infamous Thadd Williams who is both the webmaster tech guy for thegaskets.com AND this very site you are looking at.  This page would not exist without Thadd.  Therefore, he gets the top photo on this post because it is his first actual appearance on this page. Click here for the rest of the photos.

The Lovely Brenda showed me this website, Kiva.org, where you can lend money to business people in third world countries.  It is really amazing because you are donating money to help people with their businesses and you can see directly what your money is doing.  Then at some point they pay you back and you can take that money and lend it to someone else.  So over the course of a few years you could help many people with a donation as low as 25 dollars.  I think it is amazing.  I am going to be lending some money for sure, I hope you guys do the same.  Check out Bill Clinton talking up the program on of all places, Fox News.

I got a chicken tattoo. Technically it’s a pollo tattoo. I was walking around my Dominican South Williamsburg neighborhood and I kept looking at these signs for POLLO… which if you don’t speak Dominican means chicken. I was with my friend Joe and I pointed to a sign and was like “I am going to get that tattooed to me”. Soon after it I ran into my friend Barf Callahan and told him about it. I have always wanted one of his drawings on me and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. I described it to him and he got it EXACTLY the way I wanted it on the first time. Then today in Richmond I had my friend Katie Davis put it on me. She did a sweet job. Anyway, check it out. I am way happy with the result. Click the tattoo to see a close up.

Over thanksgiving I stayed in a motel and stayed up late watching the Food Network. When Throwdown with Bobby Flay was over I was flipping channels and I came across a sweet infomercial on soft rock featuring Air Supply. It was the funniest fucking thing I had ever seen. It was like an SNL sketch meets Yacht Rock. I kept telling people about it and as I was reliving it today I decided to Youtube it and found it. It is missing my favorite part when they featured a “celebrity” guest host who told acted like Air Supply was the Beatles or something. “I have all of your albums, and everyone is great.” Anyway, I think you can still get the idea with this clip. Amazing.

I am in Richmond in the recording studio with the Gaskets. Teddy is singing Trap Me In Doors as we speak. We got out of the studio last night after midnight and I went to my friend Brian’s house and watched Mythbusters which was way more exciting than it sounds. The episode was about Diet Coke and Mentos. Anyway, my friend Courtney called me and told me to go to our friend Maura’s house. She is pretty rad and was a rock star in Denali but is now a nurse which seems pretty humanitarian… or something. She also is best friends with Margo who is one of my closest female friends. Maura just moved in and you couldn’t get in her door because of carpet in the way, and then like she didn’t have a cork screw so I stabbed the wine with a cooking spoon and I covered myself with red wine. Then we went to my old friend Travis’ house and sat around his bedroom taking pictures and trying on his clothes. There was this guy there who was from NYC and I have taken photos of him before. None of this is interesting, but all of it did happen. Just look at the extremely uninteresting photos, they are totally exciting… (if you happened to be there last night). Jeez.

Eating disorders are ALWAYS funny… These little kids actually sort of look like little anthropomorphic marshmallows.

So my friend Daniela took these sexy photos in the Lit bathroom with me but wouldn’t get fully topless or anything and then I woke up the next morning and there were topless photos of her on Jess’ site.  I was pretty upset.  I was all like “I though we were friends.”  And then she was like, “my name is Danielle, not Daniela.”  Woops.  I guess I lose.  Unfortunately I had already named all the images, so from now on she is known as Daniela.  She does go by “Danielle Dead” for some reason so from now on she is Daniela Dead.    Strangely enough she is like the least dead-esque person I know.  She is always smiley and real cute.  I don’t get it.  Here are some slightly naked photos of her.  I am getting her boobs on here soon dammit.  Grr…