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Jesus.  It is about time.  I used to work for a company that had the worst stock photos ever for all their literature.  It was so funny.  They advertised on buses, and used actually employees for the photos.  I would be driving, suck in traffic behind a bus and I would just have to stare at my coworkers the whole time.  I can’t think of many things more annoying than that, but they both involve Maddox and lube.

More photos, same night. I had a lot of fun at Bleach and I got some shots I am very happy with. So yeah check these out. Very fun party. I will make an appearance this Wednesday for sure.

So I just needed to get these up.  They are still low res images, but I need to get photos up.  Hopefully later this week I can re-upload some med res images.  We shall see.  Anyway, here is High Voltage.  I didn’t get too much there as it was my second of three parties of the night.  Still, some interesting shots with my new flash. Check em.

My friend Teddy recently had an incident with a bag of potato chips. He forwarded me the email some weeks ago and I thought it was so funny I wanted to blog about it. However, he got a chance to post it on Design Observer which is frankly a much more important blog than mine is. So… he posted it there, so I am linking that post. It is pretty amusing check out his letter below, then check out the rest of the correspondence here.

Date: 4/11/07
Subject: Complaint About Bag of Chips

Dear Cape Cod Chip Company:

I am attaching a picture of the bag of your usually enjoyable “Cape Cod Potato Chips” that I bought today. The objects sitting beside the bag were its full contents. You will notice that these include a few soggy chips and a full, shriveled potato. What you cannot see is that the potato has a strange, vaguely-chemical smell, and the few chips, in addition to being soggy, are not even salted. Ultimately, the whole package was (rather) inedible.

Will you kindly send me a replacement bag of your chips? Please make sure that if the bag you send has any small potatoes in it, they are salted and odorless. Although I would prefer just the chips.

Thank you,
Teddy Blanks

CONTINUE READING…

I wanted to get some photos up, but I still don’t have the ability to post hires photos yet. So I put up these Polaroids which are terrible scans anyway. I figure it doesn’t matter if these look great. I met with Greenland with the hopes of managing them and helping them put out their first album, Call Message.  Greenland actually might be changing their name soon, but that’s not really important.  What is important is that I took a bunc of Polaroids of them hanging out.  Some of these will be on the inside of their CD I think.  Anyway, I charged them less than the Polaroids cost, so they better use them for something.  Check ‘em out.

So, I have a feeling the most of the people who come to this site come for one of two reasons: party pictures or tits. I am also assuming none of you care at all about the Miami Dolphins, but frankly, I am obsessed with them. Yesterday was day 1 of the NFL draft. Everyone thought the Dolphins wanted to draft this quarterback Brady Quinn, which I was not very happy about. The Dolphins just spent a ton of money on former probowler Daunte Culpepper, who spent all of last year injured. Frankly I am not ready to give up on him. The Dolphins had a chance to get Quinn, but ended up drafting Ted Ginn, a player who was not rated nearly as high. Anyway, I am not a big college guy, and I have only watched Ginn play maybe twice, but I knew he was fast. But I did not realize how fast. Even if you don’t like football, you might be impressed by this video. I have never seen anyone out run everyone like this. It is like both teams are standing still. Anyway, be amazed. Hopefully, I will have new party pics and boobs up soon…

I don’t know why it has taken me this long to put up a myspace page for DBB, but it has. Hopefully this will keep strangers from adding my actual page. This mediocre photo of me happens to be my current profile image. I hope to put something better up there in the near future. Maybe something to do with chemistry or beets. Or maybe just a better photo of me… I guess I will figure that out later. Until then… ADD ME!

Three different people in the last month told me to read the Tucker Max book.  They all told me I reminded them of Max. This is not a good thing.  I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell is a collection of Tucker Max’s articles he wrote for his website.  I actually ended up getting the book on the advice of another internet writer and friend of mine, Maddox.  The book is just story after story of Max getting drunk and doing something insane.  Some of them are funny, some of them are amazing, but a lot of them were things that are real similar to things I have done and really that is sort of depressing… considering I don’t drink at all.  I had been thinking about writing a book like this for awhile, but evidently it has been done.  Max is sort of a jock asshole and the type of person who I spent most of my private school education avoiding.  That being said, he can tell a good story and I laughed out loud at least once every 20 pages, which is pretty impressive.  As much as I love Maddox, I actually thought it was funnier than his book.  A lot of the book is just Max doing sleazy things, bragging about sex, and being an asshole to strangers for no reason… but that pretty much sums up my life.  The most impressive thing in the book is that he got into a fist fight with a hocky mascot.  When questioned by the cops he told the officer (I am paraphrasing) “I am now in the elite group of people that has been in a fist fight with a professional sports mascot, and you sir are not in that club.”  That is brilliant, and probably the best reason for doing something I have ever heard.  Below is a video of him telling one of his more unbeliveable stories on the Opie and Anthony show.  See if you can figure out who the biggest douche bag in the room is… I can’t. 

Now that these are up, pretty much everything good from my old website is now up except for some random articles and my ebay pranks. I will explain the ebay pranks in the future, I may even do some more. In the mean time check out my lip sync videos. Doing lip sync videos is all the rage now, but once again, I was way ahead of my time. These things are so stupid. I got a webcam in 2000 and I just started making these and sending them to my friends. I had so many I wanted to put them online so I started this website. Unfortunately they don’t sync well and they are all exe files so most people can’t bare to watch them. I show these to girls on first dates. If they think I am brilliant then they might get past second base with me. I am so funny. Anyway, one of them I did years later and it was an AVI file so YouTube let me upload it. This one I put up is in no way funny. Be warned before you watch it. Some of the old ones on the other hand are funny. So check it out below and then check out the old ones here.

…Is both a place I don’t want to go, and a person I don’t want to know.

More old shit.  Everyone and their mother has done these before. You take a Family Circus comic and you edit the text. Well these were a hit on my old website, and I wanted to bring them out of hiding. Also, my only wikipedia mention is because evidently I stole the name from someone else.  Some of these are funny, some of them aren’t.  Some of them are blatantly racist.  Some of them don’t make any sense anymore because they are based on dumb internet jokes.  If someone can explain what “toof ex” means to me again, I would really appreciate it.  Anyway, this one made me laugh out loud.

In the process of going through the old site and bringing the important stuff to the front, I found these old party pictures.  My friends used to be very into my website just so they could check themselves out online.  That was before everyone needed a myspace photo or before Last Nights Party was a twinkle in Bronques eye.  Anyway, here are the old party pictures.  They are all low res so I can upload them now despite 476ad not being DBB friendly yet…  Anyway, enjoy photos of old… many of these were shot on actual film! Oooh.

So, I talked to the guys over at 476ad, where I post all my photos and they let me know that in the next few days they are going to be updating their page so that images posted there will be much higher resolution, that way all your myspace photos will look much nicer in the future.  This is a very good thing.  The only bad thing is that I will not be uploading any pictures until they update the site.  I have three galleries that need to go up, and I will have probably have 3 more by the time the weekend is over.  I will catch up quickly though and get you your party pics asap.  In the mean time here is a picture of clearly the best band ever named after a genre that I accidentaly saved when googling the word “drama”.